the craic girl

2007-06-05T13:31:00.000+01:00

(Apparently) I've Still Got It....

Out on Saturday night with Best Mate J (from school days), other great mate D (also from school) and S (the other lady that I work with who is "hopefully" me in ten years time). Visited amazing tapas restaurant (who knew such fine Spanish cuisine could be found in Belfast), drank loads of wine, went to see Girls Aloud (not one of my finer cultural moments, but spectacular entertainment nonetheless) and then ended up in cheesy club full of young children later on.

By this stage copious amounts of alcohol had been consumed by all concerned. My memory has faded by this stage. No wonder the Government are trying to do more to ban evil binge drinking. I went up to a guy and commented how much he looked like my next door neighbour which was true. I was kind of hoping it was going to be my actual next door neighbour - it wasn't. The Boy asked me if I fancied my next door neighbour, to which I replied by snogging him (I think?). Anyway there was definitely snogging involved at some stage. I do remember that I asked him to guess my age which he got fabulously wrong. I was my delighted drunken self. Turns out he was only 22. I am a couple of months away from being 30.

We swapped numbers. I have no intention of calling him because aside from any other good reasons for not calling him, I can't actually remember his name.

It was fun. It was lovely. He was a great kisser and I've been on cloud 9. But that's it.

2007-05-24T13:51:00.000+01:00

How to Finish with Someone - Part 2....

.....and so it was that the Boy and I went our separate ways.

I said to him that there were many good aspects to our relationship but not enough to keep things going. I told him I would still like to go with him to the theatre using the theatre tickets I'd bought him for his birthday. Both tickets were still in my possession at the time of the split. I said that if he'd rather go with a friend then he could have my ticket. He said he'd be in touch.

The following Friday I texted him to see what he wanted to do. He texted (I love the fact that "text" is now a verb) back saying that he didn't fancy it and I could use the tickets myself. I quickly got in touch with a friend who was visiting me from Dublin that weekend to see if she wanted to come up a day earlier and go to the theatre. She agreed and arrangements were made.

Picture the scene.... The craic girl is dressed in adidas trackies (covered in years of paint from different house makeovers) and an old free T-shirt (also covered in paint. My hair is scraped back and I am practically knee deep in marshmallow pink coloured paint. I'm painting the kitchen in the "Smallest Apartment in the World TM" when my mobile goes. I answer it using a paint covered latex glove covered hand without looking to see who the caller is. It is my now ex S who says that he's changed his mind and would now like to go to the theatre. I am quite taken aback by this but have no option other than to say that I'm going with a friend from out of town and it's all arranged.

Unfortunately mate you're too late.

Still feel guilty about this. If I had bought him a present such as CDs etc I wouldn't be asking for them back. I intend to take his some sort of reimbursement when I leave back his Justin CD. I know I coudl just think oh sod it, but it'll haunt my for a long time if I don't draw a line under it soon.

Any suggestions?

2007-05-23T13:13:00.001+01:00

How to Finish with Someone - Part 1....

So the boy S and I split up some time ago now - just before Easter, after nearly four months together. Well when I say together I really mean seeing each other.

We had been friends (through other friends) for about 2 years prior to the snogging incident at the start of December 2006, which was the start of a "relationship". All was good. I wasn't exactly sure if I totally fancied him but thought I would give it a go and see what happened. I'm so fickle and so shallow at times that I do worry that I might miss out on "the one" (or one of the many "the one"s - depending on how you look at it) so from time to time I date people who I'm initially not 100% about to see how I might feel. This makes me sound very heartless (probably) but let's face the one's that I have felt 100% sure of haven't worked out either and it's good to try new things. I honestly thought that S had the potential to be my Harry (as in Charlotte from Sex and the City's husband Harry).

Things were going well enough, but a month in and nothing had happened in the bedroom department. I'd even turned up at his house drunk in an attempt to move things along. He walked me back home, kiss on the doorstep.... the Craic Girl goes to bed alone. In previous relationships and flings I've been the one shoving rampant suitors out of the door when things have got too frisky. Until now I'd never been the one left wanting more, usually I'm the one wanting and needing some sleep and a break! The next three months were no different, if anything I felt he backed off from me. I realise now that if I had really cared for S and had seen a future together I would have talked to him about this aspect of our relationship. Maybe he was waiting for marriage? Maybe he was waiting for me to take the lead? Who knows?

We were great at dinner, often last to leave restaurants, great at talking and chatting late into the night and on the phone and great at watching films. I'd finally met someone who allowed me the space, time and respect to dissect the films we'd seen and form opinions about them. I've never felt confident enough to do this with anyone else before.

We were terrible at making time for each other, both of us taking on more than ever before, forcing a relationship into the tiniest windows. I felt that he was often guilty of not making plans in advance. While I enjoy spotaneity, my life is generally structured and planned - cramming in as much as possible. When he asked me to do something and my time was already committed I ended up feeling bad about things.

S works late a few nights during the week so by the time Friday night rolls around he was always exhausted. I knew this so never put pressure on him to catch up on a Friday. Nearly every week that we dated he would promise to do something on Friday night only to phone or text nearer the time to cancel. The final one was where we had arranged to catch up on the Friday and as usual (you could've set your watch by him) he phoned to cancel saying instead that we could do something on the Saturday night instead. I said that I already had plans with other friedns and he seemed a bit mythed until I pointed out that had I seen him on the Friday as planned it was perfectly permissible to catch up with friends on Saturday.

I was terrified about going to finish him, mainly because I have mostly been dumped rather than the dumper. Confrontation does not rest easily with me. I would have much rather driven to Derry or Donegal than call round at his to call things off.

I went into his house and said how I thought there was no point continuing to see each other as I didn't think there was enough of a spark between us. He replied with such a classic line that I have it filed away in case I'm dumped in the future. I've passed it onto friends and now to the blogosphere. He said:

"Yeah, I'd been thinking the same...."

Thinking the same - eh? Well why didn't you say so? Readers, remember this one. Tattoo it on your arm if you can't. Very, very useful come back and shrug off.

I'm glad that we did give it a go though. I would have wondered "what if". I have learnt that if I am mad about someone then I will make time for them in my life. I have also learnt that if someone really likes me then they will show me. Nothing is pointless so long as something is learnt.

2007-05-22T20:48:00.000+01:00

My Life in Brief....

Well since I am not likely to get around to updating my blog in a lengthy way anytime soon I will quickly fill you in on all the news (if anyone is still interested). The following comes from a similar recent email to a friend who I've never met (who I hope won't mind):

I split up with the boy just before Easter. Didn't think that it was going anywhere (not enough spark) after 4 months together. Plus there was no sex happening and without going into too much detail it wasn't me that wasn't up for it. Maybe he was waiting for marriage - I don't know? I think if he had ticked all the other boxes I would have spoken to him about it. No tears from me - all good.
No dates since though.
Thinking about speed-dating later this week as it is getting hard finding attractive tall men in Belfast. Realistically though it's on Thursday. It's probably sold out by now and I have too much work to do to go.
Slightly in love (from a far) with an old snog buddy who lives round the corner. He is off to London though in a few months to study for a year so think it wise not to go down that road of long-distance relationships again.
My mum has put my family home (the only place I have ever called home - she's never moved my whole life) on the market. Tonight she's been shown other people with hopes and dreams around the place where I've had most of mine nurtured.
I have had coffee with the Hobbits that live across the hall from me. They are actually lovely.
I've been organising three hen weekends for the brides that I am bridesmaid for this year.
I've been trying to not eat so much rubbish in an attempt to not put on any more weight.
I'm working on too many homers (private work outside normal proper work). They are slowly driving me mental even though it is extra money.
My ex M has publicly announced that he is in a new relationship on a well known site ont internet. This has annoyed me because he never announced similar when he was with me and also he is currently living and working in foreign parts so I'm not sure how he is managing this. I fear that this is an announcement aimed primarily at me, because he knows that I have googled him in the past (when we were together) and I really want to email him and tell him to F*** off and get over himself but then that would be me actually caring about what he does. In some ways I don't care but obviously because I haven't found someone (read anyone) better than him it would appear that I do care. I really hope he has sorted himself out and doesn't mess someone else's emotions about.
I realise now that I have never told anyone that I loved them (aside from family) and meant it. I told M that I loved him which I thought I meant at the time but I sadly I said it really to provoke a reaction from him and see what he had to say for himself. Strangely it didn't work. We split up about two days later.
Oh and most excitingly I had my actual name mentioned on Radio One last week.

Regardless of all that I've said above I am happy - just working too hard but that'll be coming to an end soon.
That's about it at the moment....

Sorry for such an outburst but once I started I couldn't stop! I miss having the time to blog.

I hope that I find the time to elaborate more on the above points but at least you'll know where I'm at.

My Briefs in Life....

2007-05-10T16:43:00.000+01:00

Is Technology Bringing Us More Up Close and Personal With Each Other?

Readers (if indeed there are any left after my lengthy absence).... I have today experienced that the blog-osphere or world of blogging is incredibily small.

Today I was reading the comments on one of my favourite blogs (although yet to appear on my blogroll) and linked back to one of the commenter's blogs where they had posted their photo. Nothing unusual about that. Good blog discovered. Later on I was looking at an Ex's (yes stalking is bad, but it's been a slow day) website which linked onto someone else's. I went there and low and behold this person is bezza mates with the good blog I was reading for the first time this morning as there are lots of photos of them.

If all these people lived in the same village and I met them all in the local pub - then it would be a coincidence but given that the people involved reside in: Edinburgh, London, somewhere very foreign and I'm in Belfast then it's particularly mental.

As indeed is my life at the moment.... I am doing ok, just too busy, but I will get through some of this soon.

2007-03-09T09:58:00.001Z

Laugh With Me....

Head over to this site here readers and see about getting your work published as part of an excellent way to make money for Comic Relief. Troubled Diva is looking for bloggers to email in suitably funny posts (and he doesn't mean funny strange, he means funny ha-ha) for inclusion in a book to sell to raise money.

Simple....

So I urge you to call over that way and see what you can dig out of your archives in the aid of charidee. All the rules are there. Right I'm off to see if I have anything suitable - I doubt it but you never know.

Ok.... So after reading my complete archives - which took all of about 5 minutes - I've decided that I'm more funny strange than funny ha-ha.

2007-03-02T10:40:00.000Z

Help Me....

Just a quick post to enlist some help from any Northern Irish or Irish readers.....

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am bridesmaid three times this year. The search for dresses is proving difficult.

I am looking for the following dress:

full length
satin (type material)
strapless
preferably with sweetheart neck line
generous draping across the waist
diagonal cut across the middle rather than straight across
coral or bright pinky orange (watermelon) - colour similar to Girls Aloud favourite Cheryl Cole's bridesmaids' dresses.

Any suggestions on where to go gratefully received.

In other news I am delighted to have been tagged by Drama Queen and will get writing a post of What's Not on My iPod later on today.

2007-03-01T17:07:00.000Z

Tag Me....

I have been tagged for the first time ever in my blogging life. I am very excited and see it as a modern day chain-letter without the death threats.

This one comes from the lovely Drama Queen:

"Goth made me do this. . .

(this is his words - see my comments from todays post)

Now I can't do the bag-tag that's going around at the moment (contents of my handbag being fuck all) so I'm going to create another TAG - if you have an iPod, you have to switch it to random and list (truthfully) the first ten songs, artists that it throws up and seeing as you cannot tag just one person I tag the following 5:-Goth, SH, CJ, Craic Girl, Elisabeth. Answers on your blogs please and then you have to TAG another 5 peeps - let the fun begin.

(No iPod? not getting out that easy, pretend you have one and let's hear what weird crap you listen to.....)".

I recently bought an iPod - it is a beautiful cerise pink nano. I carry it everywhere with me. This is mainly because I am scared of someone stealing if they break into the Smallest Apartment in the World Ever. I have not yet got around to putting any tunes on it. This is mainly because I don't yet have my own computer.

So instead I am going to be a bit retro and list ten songs from a random compilation CD (and you thought I was going to say tape - sorry! Although I have about 40 odd compilation tapes from my teens knocking about somewhere in my mother's roofspace) that I made.

Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
Filthy - Saint Etienne
Your Ghost - Kristen Hirsch and Michael Stipe
I Feel Love - Donna Summer - (#1 when I was born)
Spinning Around - Kylie
You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive
Pure Shores - All Saints
This Charming Man - The Smiths
Hung Up - Madonna
Brim Full of Asha - Cornershop

Onwards tagging will happen on Monday because I have a deadline to meet in work. Hooray for the weekend! Have a good one y'all.

2007-02-27T12:54:00.000Z

Book Me....

I am, by my own reckoning, very busy. I am not exceptionally busy when compared to other people (I don't run my own business, I don't have children or a live-in partner) but my free time (outside work) is planned and organised down to the last second. I am happy (most of the time) with this state of affairs. However, every so often I like some "me" time.

At the moment I am getting "booked up" far in advance for various things, such as, bridesmaid dress shopping, wedding items in general, working in best mate J's shop, goddaughter-sitting, other work related items that occur outside normal working hours, nights out, lunches, cinema trips....

I like having full days. I like nothing more than knowing what I will be up to three weeks from now.

Here follows a rant:

What I cannot tolerate is this: when I ask you round for dinner, please don't wait until the actual day of said invitation to confirm that you will be coming. For a start my house may be in a state of organised chaos (although it will always be very clean). I am creative - I live like this, but I like to have warning that friends are coming round so that I can make things look a little bit more organised. It is also likely that I will not have any food in the house that you would like to eat. Mostly during the week I eat random (think: Ready, Steady, Cook) combinations of vegetables, different pasta sauces, fish with pasta, rice or risotto. So when I ask you round for dinner a week in advance, please reply even the day before and emailing me on a Sunday to my work email address doesn't count since I can't access it. Even a text message would be great.

Another thing that I cannot tolerate is this: when I suggest catching up on Thursday night, late night shopping to look at bridesmaid dresses, don't say you'll have to think about it and then never get back to me. I mentioned that I had pencilled you in for that date. I will not arrange to be doing anything else. I could be doing plenty of other things. This is not fair.

Maybe I'm being a bit too anally retentive with my "supposed" free time. Maybe I should be more relaxed but I am trying very hard to juggle a lot of things at the moment so some considerate thought would be appreciated. I am trying hard to keep three (yeah - count em') brides happy and assist in wedding planning as much as possible, I am trying to provide support to my mum (who is thinking of selling my family home and moving house), I am trying to support my baby sister through depression and living away from the homeland, I am trying to have a relationship with a lovely Boy who makes me happy and I am also trying to keep doing the things that make me happy (yoga being one of them). I try my best to always treat people how I would like to be treated, so spare a thought and think how you would feel if things were sprung on you from a great height.

Here endth the rant....

2007-02-26T13:54:00.000Z

Soak Me....

Out on Saturday night (in Belfast - where else?!) with best mate J and other good friend from school days (OFSD). Hilariously (although not at the time) I got a drink thrown over me (well kind of).... OFSD had just been to the bar and got a full round in. I hadn't even had a sip out of my G and T when the next thing I knew it was all round me and a girl was sprawled across our table and practically sitting on my knee!

We were sitting near steps and she was so drunk that she had missed them all and landed on our table. The girl just got up and walked away without saying anything, so I followed her. I tapped her on the shoulder and said: "Any chance of a replacement drink?" but she was so drunk that she couldn't even speak. The girl started messing about with a safety pin that was holding her top to her bra. She had no handbag and no friends nearby. I said to a member of the bar staff that she was obviously in trouble, having maybe had too much to drink and could they help her. I have no idea what happened to her.

I was raging and completely soaked from my neck to my knees. I did dry out a bit but my crotch area was soaking, so hopefully no one thought that I'd wet myself!! Or that I was an alcoholic due to the strong smell of gin coming from me!!

Later that night, I did feel guilty because heaven knows what happened to this girl. How did she get home? Did she get home safely? Is she ok now? Was her drink spiked? Was there someone there to look after her. I hope so. I hope she found her friends.

2007-02-22T17:08:00.000Z

Twist Me, Turn Me....

From my two most recent posts it would appear that there's being a lot of wishing going on. Well hypothetically at least....

I practise yoga every Wednesday night. I have been doing yoga with the same teacher for just over three years. Today's wish is that yoga had come into my life a lot sooner than it did. I used to come to yoga a stressed out mess and would leave on cloud nine, feeling like a completely different person. At the moment I am a much more normal person when I come in the door of my class but I still manage to leave feeling like I'm sitting on a shooting star or a rainbow.

Most of this is down to the yoga while some of this is down to my fabulous yoga teacher. My last job was based close to where she teaches, so it was handy to drop in on the way home (which is further away again). Now that work and my house are within close proximity to each other in Belfast (in the complete opposite direction from where I used to hale from), I have to drive to my yoga class (as my teacher doesn't teach in Belfast) but it is so worth it. Not very yoga with my huge carbon footprint but I'll try not to worry about that.

I am not the most likely candidate for yoga in many respects but I would encourage anyone who has ever thought of going along to a class to give it a go. Don't go to just one class though, I would recommend that you try at least three before making a decision as to whether it's for you or not. I laughed constantly throughout my initial few classes and I still giggle at times and fall over even after three years. Also remember that there are so many different types of yoga that one type might suit you and your best friend might prefer another.

My yoga teacher has, just last year changed to teach a slightly different type of yoga, called Yogabeats which is pionneered by David Sye. I went along to one of his workshops in Belfast towards the end of last year and it was totally amazing - if not just to witness the man himself in action. Check out the Yogabeats website for images of what this flexible man can do and a prize if you can spot me from the back in one of the photos from the Belfast event!

One downside though to all this yoga is that it has made me openly jealous of my 18 month old god-daughter. I watch her as she squats down to play with toys, does the most perfect "dog head downs" without even blinking and full on forward bends. Oh to be so flexible!

2007-02-21T10:55:00.000Z

I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller....

While watching the terrible show that is "You Are What You Eat - Gillian Moves In" on Channel 4 last night, the Boy and I were discussing BMI (Body Mass Index). I commented on how one of the women on last night's show must be shorter in height than me, because she weighed the same as me but looked (I think) a lot fatter that I look (I hope). The Boy agreed that indeed I didn't look as fat as the woman on TV.

He then asked what height I am. I'm 5'9" while he is (according to him) 5'10" apparently. I'm not so sure that is even slightly taller than me. I am more of the viewpoint that he is smaller than me. I think he's got that man disease (similar to Man Flu) where all men are convinced that they are taller than they actually are. I will get to the bottom of this, if I have to measure him myself!! The Boy is really good at Maths so one would assume that he should know what height he is....

A small note from the author in relation to recent absence: Blogger officially hates me and has eaten some posts that have taken me ages to write. I am not happy about this so have taken to writing in Word and then copying across. There is no such thing as normal service on this blog I'm afraid. I am managing to find time to lurk on other people's blogs and comment on others from time to time. Hope you're all well.

2007-02-08T17:15:00.000Z

I Wish I Was on the N17.... Stone Walls and the Grass is Green....*

I am meeting up with an old friend of mine tonight who I've not seen in about 7 or 8 years - it's so long I actually can't remember. N was a few years above me at college. She is from County Donegal and is one of the most amazing people I have ever met - quite an accolade but so deserved.

We met through the (at the time) Love of My Life (LoML) who was buggering off to go and live in America, leaving me to carry on as normal. LoML (who's story will be told some day on this blog) asked N to look after me and she did. She was always around to offer some more grown up advice - I was 20. N always instinctively called me when hand-ins were just around the corner, sent me meaningful and inspiring books from time to time (all of which I never would have chosen for myself, but have loved) and even chocolate when the stress and misery (of my final year) got so bad I could hardly bring myself to eat.

Although we live on the same island it has been tricky meeting up. For a long time I had no way of contacting N, bar a postal address for Donegal that may as well have started 2nd hole in the hedge because it was so vague. Plus she has moved around all over the place lately.

So tonight we are catching up at long last. She has tickets for Van Morrison and although I'm not really a fan I'm going to avail of the spare ticket just to hang out with my mate. It will no doubt be money well spent, even if Van is not my cup of tea. N only got in touch a few weeks ago about tonight, so no doubt there may be a story about some useless boy (I'm guessing here) that bailed at the last minute. I can't wait to see her. I just know it will be like old times. Will hopefully tell all tomorrow.

* N17 - Saw Doctors

2007-02-07T13:21:00.000Z

Notes on a Scandal....

Relations between the Boy and I are going from strength to strength despite the following misdemeanor (although really I think that it is a lot worse than a mere misdemeanor) on my part....

The Boy picked up his completely brand new black VW Golf on Friday afternoon. I didn't get to see the car or more importantly the Boy until Sunday evening for a number of reasons.... I was getting my hair coloured on Friday night but the appointment lasted three whole hours, so by the time I get back to Belfast it was very late.

On Saturday best mate J and other great mate D were heading away to a hotel up north that will be the venue for best mate J's wedding later this year. We got a great deal for champagne on arrival, room, dinner and breakfast. The whole experience was truly wonderful. Typically though check out time was 11 am (why is this when you can't check in until 3 pm?) and I was back down the road to Belfast in the blink of an eye.

So then to Sunday night. The Boy called round to pick me up for us to go to the cinema to see "Notes on a Scandal". Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett was amazing despite me being disappointed that Cate didn't have a Belfast accent - don't know why I thought she did apart from the fact that one of her pupils has (and he's originally from Donegal - so make of that what you will). Following the film we went for coffee before the Boy left me back to mine and this is when disaster struck. As I left his beautiful clean shiny new automobile I remember being a bit clumsy with my razor sharp metal killer heels but thought nothing of it at the time.

The next day I was a passenger in Colleague K's identical black VW Golf wearing same bottes dangereuses (dangerous boots - but doesn't the french translation sound lovely) and did the same move (thankfully not scrapping this car) and then it hit me that there was a high chance that I might have scratched the Boy's car in the same manoeuvre the previous night. I worried and worried all day and into the evening about this.

I was working late on Monday night and called by the Boy's house on the way home to tell him. Perhaps he was worried that I was going to finish with him (note to self: don't start conversations with the immortal line: "I've got some terrible news...." - it only worries people) because when I explained what I thought had happened and my suspicions were visually confirmed he was surprisingly calm and unfussed (apparently not recognised by spell check - but surely it must be an actual word?) about the whole thing. I said that if he changed his mind and was bothered about it that I would happily pay for it to be fixed but his attitude was that car will always end up getting scratched and not to really about it. He also said that he thought it was really sweet that I was so worried. The scratch in question is about 3/4 of an inch long but it's not really the point.

This makes me like him a little bit more for not hating me.

2007-01-31T13:59:00.001Z

Patience is a Virtue....

Some time ago, kind friends N+K gave me a voucher for a local beauty salon for my birthday. I phoned the salon in early December to book an appointment but they had no available slots on any of their late nights that side of Christmas. I contacted them at the beginning of January and made an appointment for a Thursday night - which I then cancelled because the Boy was randomly off work and wanted to catch up. I rearranged for the following Thursday (keeping up with all this - I do hope so) only for the salon to phone on the Wednesday to cancel and reschedule for the Friday evening.

I duly arrived for my luxury pedicure and was soon settled into a comfy chair and warm vibrating foot bath. All went well.... I advised the beauty therapist (BT) that I have very tickly feet and had never had a pedicure carried out due to my fear of laughing too much. I needn't have worried because the right amount of pressure was applied and the pedicure almost went without a hitch.

I say almost because immediately after painting my toe nails with several thick coats of rouge noir coloured nail varnish BT hurried me into my flip flops (instantly smudging one of my big toe nails, which she duly retouched) and out onto the street. By the time I drove home, my feet looked like someone had committed a very bloody murder in the vicinity of the pedals in my car. I was literally covered in blood coloured nail polish - but only from my big toes.

I left this carnage to dry to the following day and then sorted it all out myself. I know it was a Friday night, a night that the salon isn't normally open late, but some time (or at the very least a hairdryer) would have been appreciated.

2007-01-31T13:27:00.000Z

Cheap Blonde?....

Starting with a small aside (me one to talk in tangents - never!).... From now I am going to refer to S as the Boy - because that is what my mother refers to him as and I think it is now safe to assume that he is my Boy.

So the Boy has managed to redeem himself, although I couldn't be arsed having a serious conversation over the weekend about why going to a wedding party was "too serious". As it happens I woke up on Saturday morning with a sore throat that felt like it was actually made of broken glass. On top of this I was still feeling somewhat out of sorts given the working week that was: IBS.

The Craic Girl was unusually not feeling like partying into the wee small hours so I decided not to go and instead spent the day chasing medication for my various ailments, phoning my wonderful History of Art teacher (from school) to arrange a lunch date, visiting best mate J and my mother (who were working together in best mate J's shop) and last but by no means least hanging out on the Boy's sofa - but declining the urge to kiss him because I didn't want him to catch the dreaded lurgy. He talks a lot (generally) and as part of his job - so didn't want him to lose his voice.

The Boy had the offer of meeting up with our mutual friends on Saturday night and I said that I wouldn't be up for going given my delicate state but I would happily drive him to the pub. As time marched on the Boy made no moves to announce that it was in fact time to go to the pub and after some prodding from me he said: "Well I'd rather stay in with you" and so he did.

I think my heart melted. Am I too easily bought?

2007-01-26T13:28:00.000Z

Losing It....

Having read some beautifully written and wonderfully touching posts about other bloggers' parents recently I have been left feeling guilty and terribly selfish that I have chosen not to be in touch with my father: good, bad or otherwise. I know that there are some bloggers who would do anything for a few more minutes with their parent. I am sure I must sound ungrateful and unappreciative given that my father lives a handful of miles away from me but it just a very different situation.

In more work related news.... I am at a crossroads in my career. I can either sit where I am while other younger people overtake me or I can grab the proverbial bull by the horns and start being a fantastically mortivated, creative person who learns new things on a daily basis. I need to build on the experience I have and prove that I am getting better at doing my work while appearing to be ambitious. I'm just not quite sure how to actually go about doing any of this. I always worry about asking questions in case people think I'm stupid and I sometimes find it hard to stay focussed on certain pieces of work.

I have always been slow at my work as perceived by previous employers and this also worries me. I see myself as more articulate and accurrate but other people do not.

I am terrified of losing this job that I ultimately do love to pieces but I am confused about how to turn things around.

In boyf related news.... I was to be attending a wedding party this weekend for some friends who ran off to Gretna Green and got wed. I had finally plucked up the courage on Tuesday to ask S to be my "plus one". [Asking boyfs to accompany me to things is a situation where I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. I fear rejection so badly.... but that's another long story.]

We chatted on the phone about this: "Yes you can wear your jeans", "Yes we will be staying over", "No, I won't know hardly anyone either" and "Yes my friends are absolutely lovely". That sort of thing. So he provisionally said yes, but would confirm on Wednesday - he wanted some time to think about things. S phoned on Wednesday night to say that he wouldn't be going after all... "it seems a bit too serious". I said that it was no big deal (secretly meaning that it was a huge deal). There is more to be had on this conversation, though I'm guessing it's mostly to do with the whole "staying over" aspect which is a huge deal but it's not like I'm going to jump him in the middle of the night (though after several gins I might well try). I think that he should be jumping at the chance to spend time with me.

Really the last thing I need is to be drinking myself into oblivion of a Saturday night. Yesterday I called and cancelled the hotel room I'd booked. I have been literally crippled with IBS this week. I took Monday off work but have since felt a lot worse. Basically I'd not been to the toilet (except to pass water - I hope you've all eaten your lunch!) since Monday evening, was bloated, looked fat, was in agony with cramps (which no drugs will alleviate) and my face was breaking out due to all the toxins stuck in my system. This is no surprise as I get myself very worked up about certains scenarios - like asking boyfs to go to events. Finally this morning the blockage cleared but I am going to be kind to myself and take it easy this weekend. No alcohol. Lots of fibre, fruit and veg. If I do feel up to partying then I'm driving and not drinking.

The whoel experience certainly hasn't boosted my confidence in asking people to do things or making arrangements. In fact it'll be a while before I'm doing it again - for one my bloated stomach won't let me.

2007-01-23T13:56:00.001Z

Two-Timing in Your Sixties....

Regular readers will be aware that by my own choice I have had no contact with my dad since 1991. I commented before Christmas here that I wouldn't like to see him being all lonely and on his own.

Well it turns out that I needn't have worried. He has been involved with another woman (a bleach blonde* in her forties) for some time now. We'll call her Flouzey II. He was away on holiday over Christmas with Flouzey II and appears to have recently moved in with her. The original Flouzey is apparently fuming and has declared that she will "take him to the cleaners" when it comes to her divorce settlement.

Middle sister saw them both from afar on Saturday thus confirming the rumours. We have heard parts of the story from various friends and acquaintances of my mother's. Strangely though people who are considered to be good friends of my father's have not heard about any of this from him directly.

What an embarrassment my father is. I'm actually glad that I am not associated with him. He is a man in his 60s, he faces financial ruin over his second divorce. He is currently the talk of the small village (and surrounding area) where I am originally from. Where will it end? Will he eventually be dating women the same age as his daughters?

* I am a chemically enhanced blonde myself.... however I am not dating someone else's husband.

2007-01-19T13:27:00.000Z

Teardrops....

I was out for lunch with Colleague K yesterday and we were reminiscing about the fact that his wife N and I cry at the drop of a hat. This was prompted by me noticing an elderly gentleman struggling to get his coat buttoned up in our lunch venue after having had a coffee on his tod. Now perhaps he would rather drink alone and perhaps he has a warm and welcoming family to take care of him back at home, but for that moment yesterday he was alone and this makes me sad.

N and I have in the past cried at episodes of ITVs "Where The Heart Is" (Sunday night sob fest).

This theme of conversation was continued on Scott Mills' Radio One show yesterday afternoon when a woman called in admitting to crying over the current Persil advertisement: the one when the teacher has asked the class what they want to be when they grow up and among all the normal expectations this cute little girl says that she wants to be a penguin. I have to admit that this makes me cry as well but only because it makes me think of my Baby Sister (who's 23) who when asked a similar question (aged 5) would have said that she wanted to be bunny rabbit.

I never used to be like this. In fact when I was younger (aside from my Oscar winning performance fake crying when I wanted my own way) I never cried over much unless it directly affected me or my family. The flood gates opened when aged 13 I watched the film Ghost. I cried for hours after watching that. I am not particularly embarrassed by the fact that this film made me cry but I should add that I was going though a period of personal trauma as my parents (messily) divorced.

There was an incident recently where my middle sister (MS) was recounting a story about one of her more socially inept colleague (we'll call him Colleague G). MS's work were having a night out at a local eatery where it is bring your own drink. Colleague G arrived into work on the appointed day with 2 bottles of wine (one red and one white). MS commented that he must be planning "some night out" and he replied saying that he had brought one of each because he wasn't sure what everyone would be drinking. Even typing this now I find that I am fighting the tears, because I am humbled by the innocence of his generosity.

I was going to tell Colleague K about this over lunch yesterday but found I couldn't actually tell the story because I was too afraid of crying in a public place.

Better go and drink some water otherwise I fear dehydration!!!

2007-01-12T13:01:00.000Z

Attack of the Clones....

Well someone has tried to clone the craic girl. You'll all be glad to know that they didn't successfully clone the blonde bobbed me personally. There isn't two of us running around. And no someone did not steal from this blog without asking (although do that and I will find you). They did in fact clone the details to my switch card (or maestro as it is called these days).

I was alerted this morning when a letter arrived to my work address from a well known catalogue company (WKCC) telling me that someone may be using my card fraudulently, however (the smart people at) WKCC realised that all was not well and cancelled the order and refunded my transaction. I had ordered a new bed from WKCC - way back when I got my flat - and they had my details on record. Not really sure about the work address aspect of it as the bed got delivered to my house, but no matter.

I then called my bank who stopped the card and indicated that the thief had attempted to extract a small fortune from my bank account including the following: £540 - electrical company (rejected), £800 - WKCC (to buy a flat screen TV - refunded), £200 - on new shoes (rejected), £5 - donation to charity and £10 - on cinema tickets. The person on the other end of the phone indicated that I should go to the bank personally and go through my statements.

I was thrown into a complete panic, imagining my bank account reading zero by the time I got to the bank. Luckily the fraud protection on my card did actually work in most cases and all the large transactions were refused largely due to me being a "Miss" and the fraudster being a "Mr". Another possible advantage to being a woman - for a change. Also in my favour was a transaction in a more remote part of Northern Ireland by me a mere half an hour before an attempted transaction in a shop in London. There is no way Easyjet could carry out a journey that quickly!

So I got to thinking.... How could this happen to me? I have rarely used this card since Christmas. All the transactions prior to last Friday (when all this kicked off) have been to huge organisations and I have always been in the presence of my card. I have not used this card for internet shopping in months and months. The only thing that I can think of is the restaurant that I visited last Friday night with S. My card did disappear for a while when I paid. Maybe it happened then?

I am generally very security conscious when it comes to my money. I tend to use credit cards for internet shopping. I only buy from what I consider to be reputable sources and for eBay I always use paypal. I have never thrown out a statement, anything with card details or even a receipt. Anything discarded gets burnt in the fire in my mum's house.

I feel violated in a way. I think how dare someone try to do this to me. Maybe they think that they are simply stealing from a large company but I was the one crying in the queue of the bank this morning terrified about what ifs..... I work really hard for the money I earn. I have been working two jobs for years to be able to afford my own house. I try really hard to be sensible with my finances. In total they got away with £16 worth of transactions which the bank assure me will be refunded onto my account but what price for my blood running cold this morning and sending my heart racing.

Enraging as it is that someone has been trying to buy a flat screen TV to twice the value of what I can afford and more money on new shoes than I spend in a year.... what makes me most cross though is that I've researched the charity that the other me has donated to and it's not something that I would even support or want my money to help. Grrrrrr....

So folks in blogland please watch those cards, don't let them out of your sight. Use protected secure sites and keep an eye on your accounts.

Update to the above post:

I have just remembered that I also gave my precious bank details (via the interenet) in order to arrange a subscription to my favourite magazine. This was two days before all the fun started on my account.

2007-01-10T13:35:00.000Z

Excuses, Excuses....

Hello folks....

Just a quick post to say that all is well with the craic girl, except there just aren't enough hours in the day. I've been writing some new posts (Christmas Part II, among other things) but none are complete yet. Reasons for not being in a position to post include:

Work has been hectic - but in a good way. This will continue until the end of the month. I've been working on lots of technical details for a project, things that don't come naturally to me so my brain is drained most lunchtimes.
I don't have a computer or internet access in the smallest apartment in the world. I may attempt to resolve this soon or I may take Dave's advice and buy the flat screen TV instead. I haven't decided yet?

I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions and since New Year is long gone here follows a small list of other things I may do this year:

Buy an iPod (other generic MP3 players are available). Mainly so I can listen to good tunes while running on the running machine (see number 2 below).
Secretly take up gym membership but not drone on and on about it, either on this blog or to friends. This is in light of the fact that I will be featuring in 3 sets of wedding photographs this year as bridesmaid.
Having just read a great post on Things by the fabulous Urban Chick I intend to de-clutter, stop being so precious over material stuff and actually throwing out/charity shopping (and yes that is a verb)/selling on eBay some things that I no longer need or use. In particular clothes.... I have an emotional attachment to pratically everything in my wardrobe.
Write more regularly on my blog because it makes me feel a lot better about a lot of things.

I hope to resume a more normal service shortly.

Oh and before I forget S and I are still seeing each other regularly. All is well on that front. As for the long lie-ins.... there have not been any. In fact there has not been any bed sharing to date. We're just taking things really slowly for the moment and I for one am happy with that.

2007-01-02T17:34:00.000Z

Christmas Part I....

First of all Happy New Year to one and all. I hope it brings everyone all that they wish for and makes you all happy or happier. I will be 30 this year so the spiralling is spiralling every faster and coming ever closer.

Now that I am back in the office I have the opportunity to use the internet. New house hasn't been rigged up yet and also dilemma aplenty about buying new laptop (to replace shite slow massive computer that has the memory of a goldfish) using Christmas bonus. I am torn between new laptop or new flat screen TV - nothing flash or huge - it would just make "the smallest apartment in the world" appear a bit bigger.

I think there is a lot of news to catch up on. So here goes....

Office Party - Friday 22 December 2006

The day of the office Christmas party finds me very excited indeed, on a bit of a high from the Snowpatrol concert the night before. I am wearing the perfect LBD over cropped dark blue jeans and black suede knee high boots. Hair and make-up proved not to be a complete disaster and I thought I looked quite well. That was until hundreds of the sequins from perfect LBD proceeded to fall off. This had happened on it's first outing (only the week before) however it was not in alarming quantities. There were literally handfuls everywhere I went.

Our dinner was in an out of the City quaint hotel, complete with thatched roof. My meal was lovely, unfortunately the same can't be said for colleagues who ordered the steak option. It could be construed that some of our party were slightly late (1.00 pm for 1.30 pm) although all were assembled for 1.30 pm. The grumbling waiter took it upon himself to order all the steaks to be cooked medium/well done without consulting anyone. Obviously this went down like a lead balloon with practically everyone.

A few of us left the quaint hotel to head back to the bright lights of the City and one of the oldest pubs there. We were sitting outside, close to a patio heater, listening to the campest two men and a guitar ever. I said that I was convinced they would know a Scissor Sisters number. The second song into their set was "I Don't Feel Like Dancing". Ironic or coincidence? They were very entertaining but eventually it got too cold to remain outside so we retreated to another old man type pub close by and found ourselves ensconced in the only booth which had it's own private access to the bar. Excellent. Several gins and bags of Tayto (local crisp producer, billed as "the taste of home") Cheese and Onion later and it was time to move onto another bar.

It was at this stage that I decided I was going to be bad and leave my colleagues to attend Gay Husband's work party close by. I didn't want to offend anyone so I mentioned that I was going to go home as I am old, drunk etc. Colleague Big S insisted that I get a lift home with him as he too was also heading across to the East of the City and it would be no trouble to drop me off at mine. I tried to explain that it was too much trouble but in the end, clutching recently purchased full gin and tonic (hidden under my coat to avoid the bouncers) I was driven home by Big S's kind brother directly to my door.

Once home I phoned a taxi, while drinking my gin and grabbed a bottle of wine. No less than 20 minutes later I was at party central, in my Gay Husband's office. They had got caterers in and a DJ and it was a great party - from what I can remember. Sadly other good friends of mine were there who were completely sober in comparison to me and who also had that knowing look on their faces. Knowing that I was rather drunk. Gay Husband works with a lot of people that I went to college with or have previously worked with but I am sure most of them have seen me in worse states of being, so it's all fine.

Gay Husband and I decided, in our infinite wisdom that it would obviously be a great idea to walk home from the North to the East of the City where we live. We could easily have got a taxi ordered to his office but no: a walk through decidedly dodgy parts of Belfast in 3 or 4 inch heels was obviously a splendid idea. I still have the blisters as proof.

On this interesting walk home I decided that I would call the new boy S. This was around 2 am in the morning, but he had mentioned that sometimes he finds it hard to sleep and can be awake at strange times of the night. This wasn't one of them. I woke him up. It took him three and a half hours to get back to sleep*. He graciously walked me home to my own house. He wasn't cross at all the next day. He wasn't taking the moral high ground given the fact that I had a raging hangover. I think he would have been well within his rights to be both cross and moralistic. He was neither. Instead he laughed and that is why I like him. Alot.

* And that had nowt to do with any extra-curricular activities as we haven't done that yet. It's really good getting to know someone without them jumping on you at every possible opportunity. It's only been a month today.

2006-12-22T09:50:00.000Z

Andrew's a Starfighter Pilot....

Just to say thank you to everyone who has provided comments and kind advice over the last few months. It has all been greatly appreciated. Happy Christmas (Festive Season) fellow bloggers, readers, commenters and lurkers and I'll see you in the New Year. Have a great holiday and I'll be back circa 2 January 2007!

On another note Snow Patrol concert last night was amazing. Their set included "Starfighter Pilot" which was their first ever single release and I can now die a happy woman having seen that played live in a stadium in Belfast. I was at the launch party for that single a long (long, long) time ago so it made my night to be dancing around like a crazy thing to a song that I know so well. I had commented to a friend only the night before that I would love them to play that but how it was completely unlikely that they would play it. How wrong I was!!

A similar thing happened last year when I went to see U2 in Dublin's Croke Park. I had also stated (prior to the gig) that there was no way that they would play my favourite song "Running to Stand Still" (from the "Joshua Tree album"), but again I was proved wrong and was actually crying as I sang along.

2006-12-21T17:12:00.000Z

We're Nearly There....

There are a number of reasons why I am feeling happy, contented and rather smug (if truth be told)....

Baby sister (who's 23, but still considered a baby) has arrived home from Engerland having managed to get one of the few flights actually leaving from Gatwick.
Nearly all the Christmas presents have been purchased, bar a few that will be bought tonight after I've been to the Snow Patrol gig (thank you 24 hour shop opening). Most presents have been wrapped and reside under the largest tree in the world in the smallest apartment in the world.
The guy I was supposed to go and chat to about private work last night cancelled due to him being ill. This couldn't have been better timed because I hadn't actually finished the work that I was due to discuss with him. This gave me some free time to do said shopping.
Driving into the City last night I got forced into the wrong lane (by huge amounts of traffic) only to find myself right beside a free car park space at the side of the road, only metres away from the shop I wanted to visit.
After all my moaning about "CTSS" yesterday I am now feeling a lot better. I've been keeping very late hours this week, so it was bound to catch up with me.
I had another lovely date with S last night involving a foreign language film (which I normally think are a bit pretentious but this was a great story:"Pan's Labyrinth"). And (not that I believe in starting sentences with "and") S made a mean cheesecake from scratch. Who says I can't be bought!!

2006-12-20T09:48:00.000Z

This Time of Year....

I feel sick. I can't sleep. I have terrible IBS. I can't eat. I fear I may lose my voice. I am feeling anxious.

Am I the first to suffer from pre-Christmas Traumatic Stress Syndrome (CTSS)?

2006-12-18T20:06:00.000Z

It's a Wonderful Life....

Yesterday I caught up with S and we went to the local art house cinema to see the Christmas classic: "It's a Wonderful Life" - his choice. I'd never see this film before and although it is (at times) a bit dated and very American (read: jolly, sugar-coated and over the top) in places it is a thoroughly heart warming story. I certainly felt very warmed and Christmas-like after sitting there being bathed in the tale of Clarence the Second Class Angel sent from heaven to rescue George Bailey who has led a very giving and charitable life decides after realising he is set for financial ruin and jail (due to missing money from his company's account) that it would be better if he hadn't been born. Clarence appears and shows him how the lives of those around him and those close to him would have been, had he not been born. Clarence has to work his magic to save George in order to get his angel wings... "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings."

I'm sure that I am in the minority of people who haven't seen this film, but it brought out all those lovely feelings that I used to experience as a child around this time of year waiting with baited breath for the school term to finish and hoping, wishing and praying that Santa would pay a visit to our house. The broad smile was back. As a grown up it's not always evident. The broad smile that only my Granny could bring out of me by suggesting that the street lights in the nearest town to our village were actually fairy lights on a large scale so that Santa could navigate his way around. Sensible woman.

So S (I know it is unlikely that you will read this but) I thank you for choosing that film and for being a wonderful companion to the cinema and for holding my hand.

2006-12-15T12:37:00.000Z

Light Lunch....

Colleague K and I are meeting S today for lunch. (Colleague K and S are long-time friends and met while at university)

S doesn't yet know that I mentioned to Colleague K that there had been some snogging going on. I thought it best to tell Colleague K before someone else told him and he got all huffy. Colleague K is like the big brother I don't have and I am like the most annoying little sister that he doesn't have. We can be lovely to each other and hateful (in a jokey kind of way) in the same conversation.

So we'll see what happens there. Looking forward to seeing S but I imagine that it'll be all a bit strange initially.

Saturday sees me heading out in previously mentioned LBD with my best mate J, her mother and my mother along with other employees from best mate J's shop. It'll be the first outing of many for said LBD and I can't wait.

Tonight I am getting my hair cut and coloured. The shorter layers at the front will be turned into a blunt fringe, the bob more graduated and generally more blonde in colour - I can't wait.

Sunday I'll spend recovering, finishing Christmas shopping, doing overtime, working on homer project, painting my kitchen pink.... Ok this is a list spanning several Sundays but at least I have some options. They broadly fall into 2 categories: things I would like to do and things I would rather not do but have to. You can work out what fits into which category.

2006-12-14T10:29:00.000Z

Questions I May One Day Ask My Dad....

I found out yesterday that my dad (who I've not spoken to in about 16 years) is set to get divorced from wife No 2. Wife No 1 is my mother. My dad had an extra-marital affair and left my mum and the three of us (me + 2 younger sisters) to set up home with the woman we refer to as "the flouzey". I was 12 years old when this all kicked off, while my youngest sister was just 7 years old.

They married a few years after he left and have been together since. We had heard rumours that they were going through a rough patch over the summer, but it seems that things have got a whole lot worse with my dad moving to an apartment somewhere in the City.

When dad left, I continued to see him every Sunday for the next ten months (until just before Christmas 1990) but it was always a very painful experience. I would regularly have to listen to my dad slagging off my mum which I felt was undeserved; he had got what he wanted (his freedom) and my mum was not demanding that he stay or call round to do random DIY. Mum was keen to have as little to do with him except when she had to in connection with money (they owned a business together) and us kids. As far as I could see my mum was trying her best to hold everything together for the sake of us three while inside she was hurting really badly as the love of her life had betrayed her in one of the worst ways. She was incredibly shocked when it came to light that my dad was cheating on her - she really had no idea. She had been with him from her mid-teens.

Following each visit to my dad's house, I would return home to my mum and cry uncontrollably for hours. I made the decision that I would not go to see him one week, thinking that maybe I would go the following week. As each week passed I felt stronger and more in control of the situation. I didn't want to return to the jibbering wreck that I became after each visit. The longer I was away from him, the easier my life was and the harder it was to return.

I am maybe making this episode of my life sound very easy when it really was the complete opposite. I have struggled with this decision for many years and have often thought about seeing him again. I made peace with myself a few years ago when I was in the depths of depression. It finally struck me that my dad will always be my dad but he's not going to turn into the person I want him to be and I doubt that he would have sufficient answers to the questions that flood my head everytime I consider what it would be like to meet him again.

Questions I may one day ask my dad:

Why were you so nasty to my mum when you left?
Why did you break into our house after you left?
Why did you steal stuff out of our house?
Why did you arrange for our electricity supply to be cut off? It was me that took the phone call from the electricity company.
Why did you threaten to take my mum's car from her, forcing her to lock it in the garage and drive around in my grandpa's car instead? This meant that when I woke up suddenly one night unable to breathe my mother had to leave my two younger sisters home alone and rush me to casualty in a VW Polo rather than a BMW. (Not that it matter what type of car takes you to hospital but the BMW was a bit faster and newer than the VW Polo and time was off the essence) My grandparents had no way of getting over to our house to babysit as mum had their only car.
Why did you force your way into our house one evening in a fit of rage pushing my Granny out of the way and injuring her in the process?
Why did you trun off the oil supply to our house when we were on holiday on year? This resulted in an expensive plumber call-out.
Why did you apply for joint custody of us? Then not actually bother to see any of the procedures through, such as, meeting the social worker responsible for our case. You never actually wanted us in that capacity and it was very unnecessary to put your children through that.
Why did you argue with mum over child maintenance payments on a yearly basis which ended up with both parties having to go to court annually? I think there were ten years in a row where mum had to face you in court. It would have been cheaper and easier had you agreed to things outside of solicitors and courts. You always lost out financially as result.
Why did you make "silent" phonecalls to our house at all hours of the day and night for several years after you left? Even phoning on your wedding night.
Why did you give up on your children, not contacting any of them over the last 12 years? We were the children in the situation, we were hurt and angry. Instead of maintaining contact even when we were having problems seeing you on a regular basis, you just threw the towel in and walked away. I have heard through the notorious grapevine that you continue to tell people that it's my mum's fault that we don't go to see you, that she stopped us. I made the decision myself, my sisters made their own decisions all by themselves and my mum continues to say that if I want to go and see you then it's fine.

Part of me does feel sorry for him given that he might now end up a lonely old man but then I remember the hurt and pain that his actions caused me and my family. I cannot say that I definitely will never see him again. I cannot say that if anything happened to him that I wouldn't have any regrets. Unfortunately Northern Ireland can sometimes be a very small place and I have come across friends of mine that have met him socially and think that he is such a charming man. While he does have this lovely persona, there is a dark side to him, as with us all. It's just a side that you would never expect would be exposed to your own young children when they are trying to come to terms with their parents divorcing.

2006-12-12T14:09:00.000Z

Christmas Card Etiquette....

I have today received a christmas card from a longtime ex of mine R. R and I had a relationship while I was a student (he was a staff member). I saw him on my first day at college and I was totally smitten. At that time in my life it was proof that love at first sight does exist. It only took 18 months for us to have a first kiss!

I absolutely fancied the pants off him and was very heartbroken when he left sunny Scotland to work in America. I spent too much time after he left really missing him and willing him (in my mind at least) to return, having realised how amazing I actually was (and still am!!). This obviously didn't happen and I spent much of the next seven years single because no one could quite compare with R.

Three years ago R was back in the UK and we met up for a few drinks and bad dancing to 80s hits. It was good to see him again but I finally got closure on that one. I knew then that he wasn't for me, lovely and all as he was.

We have kept in touch over the years although it is much less frequent now (probably about twice a year). However he never fails to send me a christmas card every year. They always say the same (very limited) thing: To the craic girl (insert real name here), Merry Christmas, R X. That's it.

This year's card was no different to the previous 10 or so that I've received, the only difference was the label on the back that indicated that R is now co-habiting with a woman. I posted my cards today but have retrieved his as the address has now changed, but I am now in a quandry as to what to do.

Do I bother sending him a card? Or do I send them both a card?
Why would his now live-in lover want me to send her and him a card?
Why did he send me one in the first place, knowing that I probably would send one back and knowing that he may have to explain who I am? Tricky...
I am sure his girlfriend would be delighted that he is sending (even innocent) cards to exes (I know I wouldn't be happy if it were me - there is just no need).
I have never met his girlfriend.
Why did he sign just his own name, when the label suggests otherwise?
Can I actually be arsed to continue this trivial charade of card sending? Will I be the bigger person and stop this now?

I'm thinking maybe quit while I'm ahead but then maybe he will think that I am well annoyed that he has someone in his life. Really though I just couldn't give a shit.

Any advice will be gratefully received. I want to do the correct and polite thing.

2006-12-11T15:34:00.000Z

Driving Miss Daisy.... (slowly mad - thank you Ikea and builders)

S came round to mine on Friday though it was rather late on, both of us were very tired and I was cooking my dinner (he'd already eaten) so was standing at the cooker (risotto requires lots of stirring) for most of his visit. Again we talked and laughed loads before calling it a night at about 11 pm. We agreed to see each other for dinner out on Sunday evening.

Saturday was spent entertaining the builders while they continue to battle with my snagging list. They did a surprise visit round to my apartment on Saturday morning. I was in the middle of trying to leave the house to do some Christmas shopping so I wasn't entirely pleased to see them, particularly without any warning. I have been waiting for a new fridge door (this will be the third door) since the start of October so I couldn't very well turn them away. They also managed to leave with one of my screwdrivers. I've also finally worked out why one of them has real problems speaking and stringing a sentence together - Ecstasy. He should come with subtitles.

Christmas shopping was the main theme of Saturday but luckily I'd made a list and knew which shops to concentrate on - so getting annoyed choosing presents while being in pointless, unnecessary shops was avoided.

Ran into the office to design and print my own moving house cards. I know I've been in for two months but thought it would be good to include them in with Christmas cards. I'm really pleased with how well they look given the little time I spent on them. Was also pleasently surprised not to cut myself with the scapel I use for trimming such things, as usually my desk can look like a scene from ER or Casualty!

On Sunday I had company round in the form of Best Mate J and her partner who is very handy with a drill and has a mind built for understanding for flat pack instructions. The right wardrobe was up in no time, plus loads of holes drilled in the walls to fix towel rails and bathroom cabinets.

Unfortunately I spoke too soon about it being the end of the wardrobe saga.... one of the two hanging rails has come without it's fixings so I will have to phone Ikea (again) and negoiate with them about what they can do. No doubt it'll be this the other side of Christmas before I have such a thing in my possession if indeed they will agree to post it over.

Last night's date with S was lovely and I don't mean that in a twee way, I mean that in a genuine way. He booked an excellent restaurant that I have been to a few times before but had forgotten what a little gem it was. The craic was good and we both talked in equal amounts with few gaps.

A revelation occurred last night when I was sitting opposite S, staring at him.... I suddenly noticed that there was a really fit body under his tight fitted shirt which I had previously been unaware of. I am (all of a sudden) very excited about the future prospect of examining said fit body in the flesh! Hadn't expected that I would feel like this! He let slip that he's been a regular at the gym recently. Previously this fit body has been hidden under hoodies, coats and jumpers given the warm temperatures of Northern Ireland.

I am so used to being an independent woman of the world that I am really touched when people offer to pick me up, drive me places and pay the bill - all three happened last night, even though I find the whole boy-paying-the-bill thing a bit hard to cope with. I don't like the thought of being indebted to someone else, but I am trying really hard to make an exception. I guess it's just the way I was brought up.

2006-12-08T15:10:00.000Z

The "Wrong Wardrobe" - The End....

Wednesday was spent working on some drawings before and after attending my office's annual client Christmas lunch. Lunch was held in a private gentlemen's club (which I am relieved to say now has women members). The venue held up to my expectations and imagination in that it had a snooker room, deep pile carpets and lots of wood panelling. It was a very unique experience and made pulling the suit out of the wardrobe and ironing my shirt seem very worthwhile. I am after all very nosey and my curiousity has been satisfied. I was also sitting at one of the more interesting tables where crackers were pulled, jokes (cheesy) read out and as much laughing as is possible at these events

Regular readers will have heard the tale of the "wrong wardrobe"....

Yesterday I made a return trip to Ikea (in Glasgow) by bus taking with me the "wrong wardrobe" and my sister for help. Ikea (the kind soles that they are) gave me a full refund on the "wrong wardrobe" - even though I had opened the box. It's supposed to be 30% off for opened packages but the woman I was dealing with said that since it was only open a little bit that they could do the full refund. I picked up the right wardrobe, a shelving unit and a desk for bride-to-be friend No 2 C. This was all safely locked away in a trolley locker so that we could return to the "Marketplace" to continue shopping. I spent a small fortune but am happy with all my purchases and even had time to buy a few things from nearby H+M (which are also essential to my wellbeing).

Tonight I am seeing S - who I still have not actually spoken to except through the medium of text message. I am not sure what we're doing. I could really do with a hand building my flatpack, but I'm thinking it's maybe not the most romantic of first dates. Oh shit - just remembered I've eaten loads of onions at lunch. Oh dear!!

2006-12-05T12:06:00.000Z

Dating and the City....

I am always glad to have Mondays done and dusted and none more so than yesterday. At the moment I am working in excess of six full office type (9 to 5) days a week so after being out of a weekend and trying to cram as much as possible into my single Sunday day off, I am always exhausted come Monday. After work last night I was meeting some people to discuss some private work. This meeting lasted over two hours, so by the time I did get home I was ready for the hills.

I called best mate from university My J. for a chat which lasted about an hour then called Best Mate J. (all these js) for a supposed quick chat. We always start conversations with "I'm just phoning quickly" and then an hour later we're still chatting away. What is even more amazing is that I spent all day Saturday and a good part of Sunday with Best Mate J.

At some point during the two hour marathon conversation epic with both friends, S. called and left a message on my voicemail, saying that it would be good to catch up at some point this week and how he will call me again later in the week. At this stage it was 11 pm and I have a rule that I don't phone people ever after 10.30 pm unless it's pre-arranged or an emergency. (I actually have two friends that if you phone after 9 pm will be asleep in bed - but that's a subject for a post all by iteself)

I texted him instead saying that I am busy practically every night this week, which is true, but that I would call him on Wednesday on my return from yoga. I write rather long text messages and do not subscribe to text speak so it probably took him ages to actually read the damn text. I feel that life is too short for learning text speak and I really can't be bothered. I spend most of my time in work trying to write things that are grammatically correct, so text speak seems like a bit of an insult.

I have re-read my text and feel that maybe it sounds a bit like I can't be bothered catching up with him again, but really it is because I have prior engagements that I have to do or that I actually want to do. In the run up to Christmas, I find that having a free evening is a bit of a luxury and this week there just isn't one. S. replied this morning commenting that he is busy too but hopes to see me again soon.

In the meantime I have received news of a speed dating evening to be held over the next few weeks in a local bar. While the thought of attending such a soiree would have previously filled me with dread, right now I'm intrigued to see who else is out there and whether there is anyone that I like the look of. Maybe now that I've come out of my relationship mourning period I am feeling more confident about things. The other thing that interests me about speed dating is at least the men who attend are (even vaguely) interested in having a relationship whereas randoms met in a bar are probably after only one thing and will be wanting it to last just the one night.

Is it wrong to be thinking of going? I just don't know. I don't know where S. and me are going because it is far too early to have an idea.

If this was New York, rather than Belfast, then it would be prefectly acceptable to be dating (and not shagging) lots of men at the same time. I think that it's a good way of keeping your options open but it just doesn't work like that here, it's actually something of a taboo subject. It also saves time, dating more than one man at a time, rather than seeing someone for three months, relationship ends and then you're back to square one, having possibly wasted time and effort getting to know someone who proves to be unsuitable.

So what's a girl to do?

2006-12-04T13:17:00.000Z

Kiss Me Honey Honey Kiss Me....*

Left work on Friday evening at 5.30 and whisked over to supermarket to complete grocery shop for impending food frenzy round at mine for me + 5 friends - scheduled for Saturday night. Back home I jumped into a deep bath and lay there while sipping wine and watching Eastenders at the same time. The benefits of living alone in a small flat make these things possible (not so extravagant that I have telly in bathroom, but it can be pulled out into my (v small) hall for these purposes).

S would came round to mine at 9.30 and we got a taxi to the venue together. He had mentioned on the phone earlier that evening that it would be me (the only girl) and a load of blokes and was that ok? I said that sure I was used to that, given that on most days at work I speak to men only as a result of being one of only four women in the office and also form working in a profession where women count for only 11%.

So we arrived, got drinks, made introductions and set about chatting and drinking. It was decided that there would be a kitty consisting of £20 each - probably ended up being about £200 in total. This was all cool until we discovered that the Indie disco night that usually happens upstairs was cancelled due to a private function. After the first drink, a split developed in the group with half wanting to move venue and the others wanting to stay. The birthday boy was among those leaving, so we left too in search of better music and a seat (god I am old!). I encouraged S to retrieve at least some of the money we'd stumped up for said kitty (as I wasn't keen on complete strangers drinking away my hard earned cash, even though I only got paid on Friday). I was very proud when he returned with £30 (after bargaining up from £25). I am sure all his friends and acquaintances now hate me as a result of possibly being considered petty but I really don't care.

A taxi ride later and we were in a bar in the city centre that I've never been to before. Three of the others (including brithday boy and an ex-Colleague of mine) were already there. Seats were found, drinks were bought and excellent music was listened to - including what was number 1 when I was born. I hadn't had that much to drink but enough to be talking 9 to the dozen (like I don't do that sober) and not really letting S get a word in (terrible trait).

S was sitting staring at me and then said: "Would you mind if I kissed you?". I shook my head and said: "That's cool" and so we did. I was overwhelmed that someone would ask if they could kiss me, it's not happend since I was about 16 and it felt really good to have a physical connection with someone. We left shortly after "the kiss" and got a taxi over to our side of the city - the East. The taxi stopped at my house and S got out as well but insisted that he wasn't coming in and gave me a final kiss before walking home to his house and promising to call me during the week.

I texted him shortly after (stalker traits coming out already) saying that I was glad he'd asked to kiss me, how I'd had a good night and enquiring as to whether he'd got home safely. He replied basically saying: "Me too!". I've not heard from him since, but then it's not "during the week" yet. I felt like I was on cloud 9 as I was falling asleep and no it wasn't just down to the gin.

So I have no idea what will happen. I feel that the ball is in his court, since he did say that he would call me - maybe he was just drunk. If it transpires that we will just return to being friends then I can deal with that because what is a kiss between friends. However I am glad it happened and it has filled me with a bit of confidence above the male species in general.

2006-12-01T12:50:00.000Z

A Way to a Woman's Heart....*

I had a friend round for dinner last night. (That sounds like something Hannibal Lecter would say or the start of a joke)

I've known S for about 2 years (didn't think it was as long as that) - he's a friend of Colleague K's. I used to do yoga with Colleague K's wife N (until she became pregnant) and while we disappeared off to yoga every Wednesday K and S would hang out regularly doing boys things. We still all meet regularly for lunch.

About this time last year, I was thinking that I fancied S - although he's not my normal type (if indeed there is such a thing and also where exactly has fancying "my type" got me?). I was concerned though that I might be fancying him as a result of having been single for quite a while and needing someone in my life, sad though it is to say. It was also this weekend last year that I was heading off to visit M (now my ex) and when we decided to get it together.

This weekend last year while I was in England (snuggled up to M - all rosey and glowing in the dawn of a new relationship) I missed a call from S on my mobile and I still have no idea why he called. I never got to the bottom of it. I returned his call when I was back on home turf but it went to voicemail and although I saw him a few days after and raised the issue of why he'd called, he simply brushed over the incident and I've never discussed it again. I mention this because it was unusual for him to call me at all. I have always wondered why he called.

Last Wednesday, he texts me looking to come round and have a nosey at my new abode. I've not been very good at showing off my flat. I suggested that he come round to mine for dinner last night.

What amazed me most was how lovely it is to spend some time talking to a boy one-on-one without them feeling the need to try and get as drunk as possible. When I think back to exes F and M there was always alcohol involved on their part (maybe it says something about my company?! - forcing men into drinking). I'd got beers in but he wasn't having one - refreshing change to be in totally sober company with a boy.

We talked about so many things: suffering from depression (he's been there too), about the 90s and what we got up to as students, he went through my CD collection (very embarassing in some aspects since it's quite ecelctic (sp?) which was a laugh, also about step-families (he has three step-sibilings) and life in general. Suddenly it was midnight.

* And he brought black forest gateau flavoured Haagen Dazs ice-cream and insisted that I keep the rest of the tub.

As a parting shot when he was leaving he asked if I was free tonight to head out on the town for one of his mate's birthdays. I am going and I am looking forward to it because right now I'm unsure as to exactly how I feel about him and hope that being in his company will help me make a decision whether I want to be more than just friends. Though I have no idea what he thinks or whether that is even on the cards - it's certainly not been offered. If nothing happens on the romantic side then I have a good friend. He may be only considering me as a good friend and nothing more, I really don't know. I suspect that he does have ideas above us just being friends but then it wouldn't be the first time that I've read too much into things. I am already a little bit scared of getting into another relationship given that I felt so terrible after the last one ended - really don't want to put myself through that again.

A night out in good company is decidedly preferable to sitting at home watching laundry dry, eating rest of ice-cream, while drinking cheap Pinot and mourning what was possibly one of the best weekends of my life (or so I thought) that was last year.

2006-11-28T14:10:00.000Z

Suggest-A-Post....

Having a much better day today. Feeling much better about things. Thanks. Although have another evening of overtime ahead, so you never know this state of being may not be permanent. It may not even last the day.

Although this blog is all about me, I'm thinking of branching out and inviting readers of my blog (maybe it is only reader in the singular - theCatgirl) to suggest topics or titles for posts for next week.

The idea is that it will provide me with a distraction from whinging on about being miserable over boys and hopefully should be a good laugh.

So get creative in the comments box. All ideas considered.

Let's see what happens....

2006-11-27T23:42:00.000Z

But Only Love Can Break Your Heart....*

Looking back now I always knew that M would break my heart and that was even before we finally got together (what the hell was I thinking) after eight years of friendship. I'm having a particularly bad day today of feeling low and sorry for myself. Probably because it is 11.45 pm and I'm still stuck in work because of a huge deadline and tricky things to get done for it, which is getting me down a bit.

I think that deep down during the time we spent together I did know that he would never truly be mine and he would never want me (really) to be his. Don't get me wrong there was a huge connection there but certainly there wasn't love for me (and I want that and deserve that) as far as he was concerned. Sadly (for me) I did love him and brushed aside the thought that he would break my heart by not loving me back. I somehow thought that if I loved him with all my being that it would be returned. I was wrong.

I haven't done any bad drunken texts since the last one on 16 September. This is good for me. It doesn't mean that I haven't thought about it a lot of times. I feel like a recovering alcoholic admitting how long they've been sober for. Maybe I was slightly addicted to having M in my life. I crave attention from him but I know it's bad. I know it's bad mostly because he isn't the person I once thought he was. I had known in the past that he had his bad points, for example, cheating on previous women (and yes snogging other girls does count). I had thought that he had changed and grown up.

This is not a "get out clause" but he had issues that I don't even know about. Things that agreived him in the past and things that he's never gotten over. He told me in the parting email that I would be happy before him and he is probably right. I would guess that I am happier than him right now, but it's not really about that. How can you measure relative happiness anyway? I would describe myself as generally being happy with my life at the moment - just having a bad day.

I still miss him. I want to know how he is (I am incredibly nosey and yes curiousity did kill the cat), if he's missing me and I suppose I must admit that I really want him to call me and say that he's had a change of heart. Right now, this is mainly so I could be flattered by the thought that someone (and yes that means anyone - even though that suggests I think very little of myself and stinks of desperation) wants me. Would I have the courage to tell him where to shove it? If he called this very second, then no, but most days I think I would.

So just like a recovering alcoholic I'm taking each day at a time and counting them off until (hopefully) this feeling passes and I feel ready and open minded to meet someone else. Then the search will begin.

*Only Love Can Break Your Heart - St Etienne

PS The spelling and grammar are most likely up the left because I am a very tired craic girl right now.

2006-11-23T12:59:00.000Z

This Life....

It's ten years since I was a Fresher at University. I've been thinking a lot about that lately mainly because I've been thinking about my ex M and it was during my University days that we first met.

Last night I was looking back and thinking where have the last ten years got me and having a bit of reflective time while drinking pear cider and eating cherry crumble (well I had been to yoga so a treat was in order). I was flicking over the four channels on TV (Channel 5 is impossible to get in most places in Norn Iron) trying to find something to keep me company. I nearly fell off the sofa when I caught BBC 2 showing re-runs of This Life, first shown 1996 and 1997.

The BBC website describes it as follows:

A group of attractive, badly-behaved lawyers live in a posh house in London and spend their time engaged in emotional crises, usually over wanting to sleep with each other.

It was a British ThirtySomething, Friends and Ally McBeal all rolled into one. Shot mainly in jerky close-ups and intercut with trendy music of the time, it had gained huge ratings by the end of the decade.

Producers wisely pulled the plug just as the stars' popularity began to outgrow the soap and other networks began throwing money at Daniella Nardini, Andrew Lincoln and company.

This is not a bad description of what was a fantastic show, apart from the posh house reference. It certainly looks like a grand house, but any house that size that has only one bathroom for all five occupants is hardly posh.

I watched the first series while still at school. I had hit upon the first episode quite accidentially (again flicking around the channels) but from then on I was hooked. I remember thinking that they all seemed so grown up and that's how I was going to be when I graduated from college. Watching it last night I was struck by how young some of the cast seem and decidedly unsure (after all they were playing graduate lawyers) but I didn't notice that when I was 18. Everyone had seemed so glamourous and knowing.

In 1996 I had not yet met anyone who was openly gay and This Life portrayed a number of gay characters in a real and honest way, long before Queer as Folk came to Channel 4. Good preparation for college. I remember arguing with friends in the Sixth Form Common Space about whether Miles or Egg was the more attractive. At the time I thought Miles (played by Jack Davenport: also recently seen in Pirates of the Carribean) was gorgeous but re-watching last night his personality sucks (basically he is a git) - what does that tell you about my continual choice in men?!

The final parting shot was of an advertisement for new house mates for the house they had been renting. I was devastated when the show ended, leaving so many loose ends but they have shot This Life: Ten Years On and it's to be shown over Christmas so at least there should be one good thing on to watch over the Christmas period.

2006-11-20T15:47:00.000Z

Three Times a Bridesmaid....

Ok a lifetime of spinster-dom beckons. As feared on many lonely nights (mainly as a result of too much gin, if truth be told) that I will one day be found dead in my wee flat, my body ravished by my cats, a bottle of chardonnay emptied by my side, a half finished knitted (and I do actually enjoy knitting) jumper tangled on the floor and Celine Dion CD playing on repeat.

How have I come to a stage where I fear this Bridget Jones stereotype will come true? Friend number three asked me last night to be her bridesmaid and I said yes.

So that's three times next year that I will be performing this duty and you know how the old saying goes.... (all together now) "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride".

As a child I suffered from really bad eczema, particularly on my arms. When I was about 10 years old, my younger sister was asked to be bridesmaid for a family friend and I was very upset that she had been asked rather than me. I really believed that I was an ugly duckling in comparison to my sister and that the eczema was the main case of my ugliness. So I am actually delighted that I have three good friends who have considered me for one of the key roles for their wedding.

Maybe I am the girl who will prove this theory (old wives tale) wrong. I am really looking forward to the prospect of helping out with three completely different weddings. I can see that there are many positive advantages ahead. I will be the only common guest to all three, so few people will actually be aware of my "professional bridesmaid" position. The three weddings will all be very different. I don't have to buy an outfit for said weddings. All three friends have very good taste so will not be putting me in a meringue type creation. I will have at least three mini-breaks (aaggghhhh - more Bridget Jones style jargon creeping in - must stop) under the guise of hen weekends away in foreign parts (well maybe Brighton and Galway - does that count as foreign) next year, so will have a vast and busy social life and also the opportunity to meet many a single man attending said weddings or indeed hanging out in the various bars and clubs that we will hit for the hen dos.

Mental note to self:- Must look into gym membership to tone up a little so there are no bingo wings on show. Happy to be my size 13 body (at least have boobs, even if small).

2006-11-17T13:50:00.000Z

The Perfect LBD*....

Well I am delighted to report that the dress shopping was very successful. I am still in shock that it was so easy. I looked in a lot of shops. Well when I say looked it was more a quick skim around to see if they had anything that took my fancy. This is how I've always shopped. I have neither the time nor stamina for pointless trawling.

It was mid trip that I found the perfect dress. Geographically the shop was in the middle of the loop that I had planned to do.

The shop was Mango. The dress is made of black net type material with hundres of black sequins sewn all over it. It comes with an opaque black shoe string strap slip so that you aren't exposed to the world or have to purchase flesh coloured underwear (not a big fan of that). The dress is a V neck and sleeveless and comes to just below knee length. It is just what I had in mind (which rarely happens: being able to find what you have in mind) and I love it!

I must also point out that the largest size they had was a size 12 (I'm often a size 14- if measured I'd maybe be a size 13 if such a thing existed). I optimistically took this into the changing room and was astounded to discover that it was too big. Not sure how this is so. Kindly shop assistant went and got me smaller size and it fitted.

Is it any wonder that so many women have body issues when the sizes are all up the left? I am happy being my size. Really though I am not a size 10.

* Little Black Dress

2006-11-16T17:14:00.000Z

The Emperor's New Clothes....

God where has this week gone to? Thursday already. It's gone fast but not quite fast enough for my liking. Really wish it was Friday post 5.30 pm. Mainly because I have a full weekend off work, though I am doing a whole day of yoga on Saturday and should be working on a homer on Sunday. We'll see what happens. Having a family dinner tomorrow night down at home. It'll be strange being a guest there. Saturday night see me and best friend J hitting the town and I can't wait.

Still haven't got new straightners because it is much cheaper to pick them up from an industrial estate, rather than pay for them to be posted out or pick them up from the shop down the road. Have phoned industrial estate unit to check if they have medium GHDs in stock but just got answerphone. Left message but (the story of my life) they've not phoned back yet.

Going into the city tonight to but office baby present for Colleague K's daughter. I've already got my own present: cerise pink long sleeved T-shirt with cherub in glittery writing across the front. The baby has stacks of clothes already so I thought the office could buy a beautiful frame for all the pictures that her dad has been taking of her.

Also on the look out for party frock for Christmas. I am very hard to fit in a dress because my height is in my torso rather than my legs (it's actually easier the other way round because you can buy longer trousers, but tops are generally standard). The waist of most standard dresses hits me at somepoint between my actual waist and boobs. As a result there will be too much material around my waist, it will be tight over my bum and hips and probably a lot shorter on me than it's meant to be. I hope that the perfect dress is out there, it's just a matter of finding it. It'll probably be cut on the empire line or a wrap type dress but I'm willing to try on everything.

Will keep you posted on where such a dress exists.

My sister though a full 2 inches shorter than me actually has much longer legs - lucky bitch! (and a page three size chest to boot - while I am definitely a good bit smaller!)

She is my sister and I am proud of her and her amazing figure and general good looks. It always amazes me how the same gene pool can produce three such different girls in every respect.

2006-11-13T13:45:00.000Z

Aladdin's Lamp....

I have (stupidly) been "bigging up" my hair straighteners, saying how wonderful they are, how they aren't GHDs but have super powers when it comes to my hair. They are called Futura and have big thick metal plates. My straighteners do take a dog's age to heat up but the end result was worth it.

When I got my hair cut into the sleek (Madonna) bob that I'd been after I took to using my mum's GHDs as my hair was tricky to style at first. After I moved out to my own flat my Futura straighteners were back in the picture and I learned how to use them to do this hair style but secretly wished that something would happen to them so that I would have an excuse to treat myself to some pink GHDs.

My wish was answered on Saturday morning when the spring that makes them open and close dislodged itself somehow and has made them very difficult to use. I tried my best with them this morning but hair looks like Tammy Wynette (circa 1982). The size of my hair has been further increased by the misily (is that an actual word?), damp (pretend rain) weather that I was walking in over lunchtime.

When I came into work this morning, a very unperceptive male colleague asked had I had my hair cut. He obviously knew that something was up.

So I have to do something regarding new straighteners. My sister has offered her cast offs (same as my now broken ones which she replaced with GHDs) in the meantime but I think that I will let the credit card take the strain. I will not be buying the pink ones though as they are a 135 pounds rather than £76 for the same ones in black. By buying the pink ones I would be donating £10 to a breast cancer charity but I could donate twice that amount and still be quids in. I love the colour pink but not that much.

See sometimes you shouldn't wish for things....

2006-11-09T17:34:00.000Z

List of Stuff: Part 1....

Ok some things that you don't know about me:

1) I am 5 ft 9 tall and that's without the heels!

2) I did get the Madonna blonde bob haircut (even though Madge's turned out to be a wig) a few weeks ago but I am going back in December to get the fringe more sharply cut, more graduation in the sides and chunks of platinum blonde added among the more honey coloured blonde already there.

3) I have two degrees, but I would consider myself lucky to have either of them.

4) I am a typical virgo.

5) I like drinking diet coke even though I know it is bad for me.

6) I was brought up practically vegetarian but over the last six years I have discovered the delights of steak, duck and spag bol.

7) I have two sisters - both are younger than me.

8) My parents went through a very messy divorce when I was about 12.

9) I am godmother to my best friend's daughter.

10) I used to enjoy wearing a lot of black back in my semi-goth (mixed with grunge) days. I was a bit of a music snob in those days too listening only to grunge music.

11) I enjoyed a brief relationship with a staff member while at college.

12) Craic (pronounced "crack") means fun, enjoyment, abandonment or light-hearted mischief or alternatively can mean gossip or news. I enjoy all of these persuits so it is quite fitting that this is my blog name. It has such a broad meaning for one word. I love it!

13) I was born on a Friday.

14) My favourite colour is pink.

15) I talk too much.

16) I love potato fritters from the chippy (but you can't get them in Northern Ireland).

17) I passed my driving test first time.

18) I went to an all girls school.

19) When I was 21 I travelled by myself from Rome to Barcelona and from Barcelona back to Norn Iron.

20) The first concert I went to was the Lemonheads.

21) My favoutire tipple right now is pear cider but I also love wine (rose), gin and tonics and cherry flavoured Vebas (alcopops).

To be continued.... If I can think of any more to add.

2006-11-09T14:00:00.000Z

Secret Secretary....

Colleague K (who has been a friend of mine for a long time prior to me working here) is off on paternity leave - his wife had a baby girl last week. Therefore I have had no lunch buddy this week. Not that we eat together every day because work sometimes gets in the way. I have been indulging myself this week by going to places that K doesn't like (such as the evil Sub-Way, although he does approve of KFC when surely KFC is far less healthy?) and by doing all those little things over my lunch break that never get done. Such as bill paying, car cleaning, note writing (thank yous for house warming pressies).

As a result I am feeling happy and proud of being super efficient today both on a personal level and in work (as am working through files belonging to Colleague K in advance of a quality assurance inspection tomorrow). I have a secret delight and get a secret high from checking admin stuff - while the rest of the office absolutely detest doing these tasks.

Tonight has to be spent trying to create some sort of order in my wee flat. It is so wee that even one item out of place makes the whole flat seem chaotic. Truthfully though, I was tring to find a scarf to wear in* work and had to empty loads of bags of clothes in order to track it down. It does look like someone has broken in and chucked stuff around!

* Have again this winter taken to wearing scraves in the office as it is bloody freezing. Also working with boys who are constantly warm and open windows is a tricky battle of wills. I am winning after saying to Colleague Big S last week that him and I were bound to fall out soon in a bad way over the opening of windows. I don't mind fresh air but when it's freezing and I largely sit in one spot with only my eye balls and fingers moving.

2006-11-08T13:44:00.000Z

Don't Let Them See You Cry....

On a more positive note than some posts of late I just want to tell the world that I am enjoying living on my own. I've officially been ensconced in my own little flat now for about three weeks and to be honest I love it. I love the (limited) space that I can call my own. I love the fact that all my Ikea furniture is now no longer flat-packed and that I made (most of) it by myself - obviously with the exception of the "wrong wardrobe".

The "wrong wardrobe" is akwardly propped up against a wall in my flat awaiting a future move to my mum's garage until I decide what to do with it. The "correct wardrobe" will be purchased from Ikea via some man in a van round these parts who makes regular trips over and alledgedly doesn't cost the earth.

As mentioned previously the walls in my new build flat may as well have been painted by Stevie Wonder so I plan to spend spare time between now and Christmas making it all beautiful and repainting. Hell I might even paint one wall bright pink.

I have been addicted to the colour pink since I was about sixteen. As a result practically everything I own (with the exception of trousers) is pink. I think that it was to feminise myself in preparation for my career path into a very male dominated career, prior to that I was heavily into grunge. I have been very restrained in purchasing pink items for my flat and it has been a good thing because the little touches of pink are enough. However a token wall may have to be painted - just to see what it is like.

I did a bad thing last night and scived my evening class of jewellery making. My friend C who goes too is on holiday so I had no one to encourage me, however that was not really the key issue. At the last class I was having difficulty soldering a ring and the tutor looked at one that I had made and commented that: "I shouldn't really say this, but it is shite. Maybe that's a bit too harsh." I had been trying really hard and normally said tutor is very encouraging so must have caught him on a bad day. He knew by my face that I wasn't impressed with this comment even though he was quite right about the ring in question.

It just took me back to my days as an Art College student where we had to endure the "crit".

The crit was where you pinned up your work in front of tutors and often other students - you then discussed your work and got supposed feedback from tutors and peers. At times this was a positive experience but more often than not it was an opportunity for some tutors to massage their egos, clash with each other over your work, stab you in the back (after supporting you and encouraging you to go down a certain path with your work, then denying all knowledge) and it would leave you feeling upset and wondering whether this really was the right career path for you. One tutor famously commented that maybe I should consider becoming an air-hostess instead. Maybe they thought that this would harden you up and prepare you for the "real world" but it always made me upset and extremely defensive. Crits always occurred when you were completely knackered after weeks of late nights and all-nighters (where you stay up all night finishing work). A tired person is never going to take criticism kindly even if it is constructive.

Thank goodness I always knew that I wanted to do the resulting job which is why I put up with the years of crits to get here. Was it worth it? Right now it is very worth it. I love my job. This time last year though it was a different story altogether.

2006-11-02T17:35:00.000Z

Pretty Pictures....

As with every work day I have today mostly been drawing lines on the computer to make pretty pictures - well that's the thought anyway. The package we use allows you to create and name different layers to aid the drawing process or at least that's the supposed procedure. For example if you have all your text on a particular layer you can switch that layer off if the drawing is becoming crowded.

I have been working on someone else's drawings today and have come across a layer on these drawings called "do not use". For some reason I am finding this very funny! Yes I am officially sad - laughing along by myself. Better to laugh than to cry though. I haven't had the courage to turn this layer on just in case something bad happens.

2006-11-01T17:14:00.000Z

Just a Quick Thought....

At the moment all my friends seem to be getting married and I am guessing that my middle sister will get engaged over Christmas. Is it just me that worries that some of these marriages will end in divorce at some stage given statistics?

Having been brought up in the midst of possibly this country's messiest divorce - it is a scary thought.

Maybe it is damage limitation: the fact that I find myself on my own when all around are getting hitched.

Some might call me jealous.

2006-10-26T17:29:00.000+01:00

TFI Friday....

Today I've got that Friday feeling because I am off work tomorrow and Monday to spend some time chilling with best mate from university: my J. My J. is coming over to Norn Iron tomorrow and I actually have nothing planned so we'll see where the wind blows us. Probably to the pub but I am so excited to see her even though it's only been 2 months since we last hooked up.

Also today I have been battling with the following:-

Huge pieces of cardboard into the boot of my car to take to the dump.
The developer of my flat to get the carpet people to come round and look at the shambolic efforts made in laying carpet and lino (ie laying it on top of rubble and rubbish) plus the lino has been cut way too small. The developer is well annoyed with them as well.
The site foreman of my flat in a bid to pin him down to coming round to finish off the snagging list for my flat.

The Ikea battle ended on Monday when someone finally phoned me to say that "No" they couldn't deliver new wardrobe with new sofa. So that's that. I will now have to find some other way of obtaining correct wardrobe from Glasgow. There is a man with a van who takes orders so another friend and I are looking into this.

At the moment the wrong wardrobe (like Wallace and Gromit "Wrong Trousers"!) is an extremely efficient (yet very expensive) doorstop. Will eventually flog it on eBay or give it to someone. If anyone living in Norn Iron with a van would like a Pax wardrobe frame 50 x 58 x 195 mm in birch, I'm sure we can come to some arrangment financially - you know where the comment box is.

Also discovered that in my infinite wisdom, I haven't purchased enough hinges for when I do get correct wardrobe but Glasgow friends will purchase and post. What a nightmare!!

So I'm off to pretend it's Friday night.... I can't wait!!

2006-10-24T17:07:00.000+01:00

Home Alone....

I am now officially living alone for the first time in my life. The days of tenement flat sharing with fellow (unwashed, some of them - not me) students are behind me. The days of living "temporarily" with my fabulous mum are over.

And how's it going? It's going good so far.

I spent the weekend building flat pack Ikea furniture - luckily rescued by Best Friend's partner (who has a cordless drill and isn't afraid to use it) on Sunday who helped finish it all off and attached tricky things like curtain poles, toilet roll holder and towel rails to walls.

I stayed in my flat on Friday and Saturday night. Was down home (well it's always been my home and will continue to be described as such - I'll be like Elton John with homes across the world or at least Northern Ireland!) on Sunday as baby sister has put in an appearance and it would have been rude not to. Practically all my worldly goods are still in Ballykissangel (as uni mate "my J" nicknames my village) so am gradually moving more and more up to the City.

Right now, I am feeling happy, contented and positive about my move to date.

However, I have over the past week had times where I wished I wasn't doing all this by myself. Been feeling a bit weak and feeble, needy and desperate for some boy type handy man and broad shouldered company. I have been missing my ex M like crazy and was reduced to tears on Saturday wondering if splitting up with him was the right thing to do. In normal moments of clarity, I know that I did make the right decision but at times I have doubts.

It's been over a month now since my last drunken text to him so I'm just counting off the weeks saying well I'll see if I can not contact him for another week and so on. Sad isn't it?

I just really want someone in my life who can share all the little things and the big things too and I thought I had found that in M. Little did I know that he was soliciting porn style pictures to be sent to his mobile phone from a girl he went out with while at school. I am sure that she didn't know about me so it's not her fault. I'd just like to point out that she is married with a kid - so shouldn't be such a ho-bag. He said (when I confronted him about this) that I am over-reacting and that it was a school boy prank - but there were about 15 of these things and I still feel physically sick just thinking about finding them. I know you should never look at other people's phones but if I hadn't I'd probably still be slowly killing myself (emotionally) by staying in touch with an ex. That wasn't the entire reason for splitting with him though.

We had been together for 8 months and doing the long-distance relationship: me living here and him living in England (so not exactly convenient) and I had to know if there was any future in it. I knew that I loved him and had told him so, but he didn't feel the same way. I think quite honestly he would have been very happy to continue along as things were: catching up for weekends here, there and everywhere but I wanted (and deserve) more. I'm just glad that things didn't continue on for years on end with me getting more emotionally attached to someone who in the end couldn't emotionally attach themselves to me. The split up conversation started with me asking about the future. I mentioned the found images when I was so hurt and upset that rational thought was beyond me and I wanted him to know why I was feeling so sad.

It just still feels too soon to look at someone else in that light and my trust has been abused and my heart broken. I have one regret and that is that I didn't delete all those images off his phone and the ones I'd sent him when I was missing him during the weeks apart.

I miss everything about him. But I could never trust him even as a friend.

2006-10-16T13:42:00.000+01:00

DIY SOS....

Sorry it's been so long. Don't worry about leaving any comments saying how much you miss me because I know it's a very emotional connection that we have with each other and my absence may have been too much for you to bear. Only joking!!! However I am back from the depths of moving house albeit that I have not actually found the time to move house yet.

At present the snagging list for my flat is the length of today and next week. The builder has done some of the items but there are loads still to do. I think that he is hopeful that I won't be worried about him finishing them after some time has passed. He can think again. The flat looks like Stevie Wonder has done the painting and the carpets and lino have been laid over rubble and rubbish which makes for an interesting underfoot experience.

Flew over to Ikea in Glasgow last week for the day to have a look at furniture and all things to do with living in a house. I used to own things like saucepans, crockery etc but after my days as a student ended I threw the whole lot out because I simply could not bear to look at it anymore. I spent a small fortune and was in Ikea for 8 hours. I think I am still getting over the exhaustion from that day. All the items were delivered to my flat on Thursday. So where there was once vacant empty floor space, there is now Ikea brown boxes containing the various bits of flat pack furniture that requires the attention of me, an alan key and a star crew driver.

The weekend was spent travelling to and from and attending a wedding of a good friend of mine in a rather more remote part of Ireland. So absolutely nothing was achieved on the moving house front as a result. At the moment I am still living with Mother dearest and travelling up and down to work.

I feel very stressed out about the whole thing and am looking forward to a whole weekend off work (no working in my best mate's shop of a Saturday) this coming weekend where I can devote myself to the world of instructions and missing parts.

There has been one minor problem with the whole Ikea thing though. I bought the wrong wardrobe frame. Instead of a wardrobe (1000 mm wide) and another one (500 mm wide) both in white I have ended up with two 500 mm wide ones in white and in birch. Ikea have been very good on the whole customer service front but I couldn't believe that the courier firm that they use wants £240.00 for delivering me another wardrobe frame. I'd just like to point out that the wardrobe frame only costs £40.00. I am getting a sofa delivered from Ikea in a few weeks so I suggested that maybe they could tie up the two deliveries at the same time for no extra cost.

They are to get back to me...... I'm not holding my breathe.

2006-10-06T10:43:00.000+01:00

Debate....

Ok d-day arrives today at 6 pm. Haircut time.

Should I go for the chop and get my bob, as recently copied by Madonna!

Or should I retain my long hair? I know it's hard when you've never seen my face.

Answers in the comment box please. I thank you.

The colour decision has already been made. Mouse brown "brightened up" with blonde foils. It stays because it's low maintenance.

Please bear in mind that my mother keeps telling me that one can only have long hair for so long i.e. once you're over a certain age it has to go.

2006-10-05T17:26:00.000+01:00

So Much to Do, So Little Time....

I got the keys to my wee apartment on Tuesday at 5.30 pm. Very rushed, lots of waiting and lots of phone calls to get the keys. Developer had left large bouquet of flowers (the only ones I'm likely to get at the moment) to apologise for all the upset over the size aspect which was thoughtful, even though he has no doubt made mega bucks from me buying this apart in the first place.

So right now I don't know whether I'm actually coming or going. Work is also hectic. I haven't packed one thing at home. I have no furniture, although bed is arriving on Monday. I am officially a disaster zone. Things are so bad that I couldn't find my phone charger last night and have had to resort to putting sim card into an old phone which I do have the charger for. It's a complete nightmare!

That's why I've not had a minute to post anything this week. Need to be in a serene and calm place. I have loads to divulge about last weekend and how I ended up sharing a bed with a man. Oh to be a dirty stop out! Will get to that in time, but in the meantime back to the packing up and shipping out.

2006-09-28T17:24:00.000+01:00

How Many Times? I Don't Know. I Lost Count.

Last night was yoga night which as always was amazing (even though I am the least flexible person there and the youngest). I am not really into physical fitness, although now that I am eating too much and my metabolism is slowing down I'm going to have to force myself.

Chilling out on the sofa last night in a very lovely personal place following yoga. Mobile phone is on silent. A few hours later as I was heading to bed I checked my phone and lo and indeed behold there were three messages and 1 missed call.

(I often wonder why I bother paying for my phone as no one ever bloody contacts me, but it times like last night when you feel very popular and it's worth the rip-off charges alone.)

Two messages were from wee J my yoga buddy, filling me in on things she didn't get a chance to say earlier.

The other message was from F who apologised for late reply but wondered if I was free tonight to go to the cinema early (after work), then head back to his for some food while he watches some extremely important football match. Never mind three people in a marriage (a la Charles and Diana), the third person in our relationship was football, oh, and the other mistress for the summer months was cricket.

I replied saying that much as it was appealing to watch the football, I had (alas) made other plans, given that I thought he wasn't interested and could we reschedule for another time when it suits him i.e. when there is no football for competition on TV. He texted back saying that the date was entirely up to me as I'm the one about to move house.

I'll get back in touch once I know when my house is completing and after I've checked all possible football fixture lists!

2006-09-27T12:40:00.000+01:00

Size and the City....

So it transpires that Madonna's new haircut (platinum blonde bob with a fringe) is actually a wig! Technically the haircut idea still remains mine. Only a mere 10 days until haircut D-day. Thinking definitely along the lines of that cut with my current more easily maintained mouse/blonde colour.

Having texted ex-boyf from way back (F) to see if he would come to the cinema I was initially delighted when he responded at about 6 pm on Friday that he would and that he had actually been thinking about me on seeing the trailer for Clerks 2. I texted back and said that Monday or Thursday this week would suit well. Since then I have heard nothing so I got to thinking that he is not actually that into me and would rather not. I also got to thinking that it's fine if he has changed his mind but why text in agreement in the first place?

Then it dawned on me.

F has recently changed jobs and finishes work at 3 pm on a Friday, so I can just imagine that as per usual form he was in the bar from about 3.05 pm onwards and the text I got was as a result of drunken thoughts.

(Refer also to past postings about drinking and dialling or in this case drinking and texting)

Good news though on the house front....

The builder has admitted that the apartment I bought (some 6 months ago) off plans is smaller than anticipated. At the moment I am sitting with practially eveything crossed (a beautiful image I'm sure you'll agree) waiting to see what he is willing to knock off the asking price. Had meeting with him earlier today which I had been papping it over! Meeting was grand, money wasn't discussed, just the relocation of sockets and radiators to make things at least appear better. He has already agreed for some money off the asking price but I want to see if I can get more - it is only fair. I am losing 10% of floor area originally promised due to some balls up in setting out foundations.

Hopefully I'll have a new house come Friday.... So it's goodbye to living at home out in the middle of nowhere (lovely though it is) and hello chic urban apartment dwelling!

Oh and before my mother says this I'll say it: I could have bought a small mansion where I'm from for what I'm spending on a 1 bed apart!

2006-09-22T15:21:00.000+01:00

Take Two (Again).... Maybe

Really want to go and see Clerks 2 in the cinema.

Really enjoyed Clerks (the original one). Went to see this with ex-boyf. F. Who after we first split up (about 11 years ago) went on to become my boyfriend and subsequent ex again only about 3 years ago. F and I keep in touch from time to time and last time I saw him all was cool.

So just texted him to see if he'll provide company for the sequel.

Not sure if this was a good idea for so many reasons, but he's not got back to me as yet so he may not think it's a good idea either.

Wish me luck.... that the situation will turn out good, even if that means he doesn't get in touch.

2006-09-22T14:00:00.000+01:00

Blonde Ambition....

Ok, still learning at this blogging game (sorry Cat) and totally forgot to describe or link (don't know how to go about this) Wednesday's blog to a picture of Madonna with her new haircut.

Madonna's current hairstyle is a graduated razor cut platinum blonde bob (eat your heart out Posh!) - longer at the front than at the back and comes with a fringe. Still wondering if I will have the courage - also have to speak to the women who've made me bridesmaid at their forthcoming weddings - not sure if the platinum blonde look will coincide with their plans. But knowing both gorgeous brides as well as I do, I reckon they'll both be very encouraging. Hair appointment isn't for another forthnight so plenty of time for mind changing. Having been down this road in my student days platinum coloured hair is very hard to maintain, but if I can get over the constant vision of dark coloured roots all will be grand.

I was born with black hair, which changed to platinum blonde (all by itself) a few weeks after birth. Gradually my hair darkened to a mouse brown shade over the intervening years. Thankfully I found Sun-In (do they still even make that stuff?) aged 15 and I've not look back. My hair has been every shade of blonde you can think of. Hell it's even been pink (for 1 day only for fear of expulsion from school). At the moment it's the natural colour underneath with blonde foils through the parting (which is good cos you can go for ages without getting it coloured).

Seeing gay husband tomorrow so will get his opinion because usually he knows about these things and will say the things that no one else will. Might get the bob haircut but keep colour as it is - a compromise. Watch this space....

2006-09-20T16:44:00.000+01:00

Madonna Clone....

Apologies for yesterday's brief but moaningful blog...

Unfortunately today's in a similar vain although extremely more superficial than yesterday's.

I love Madonna to the bone. I can forgive her many things, but one I can't is her new hair do. Yes it looks great. Yes it suits her.

But it's my haircut and colour. Or at least it's the one I've been psyching myself up to get my hair cut and coloured in said style and had just this very day made the appearance changing hair appointment.

But it's too late.

Now if I get my hair like that it'll be a poor copy and comments aplenty from everyone. Like the time I bought boots very similar to Madge's.

My gay husband will have plenty to say on the topic of Madonna hair styles.

2006-09-19T16:52:00.000+01:00

Only 2 Things on my Mind, Which Beats the Usual One!....

Not much to say today.... Although briefly there are 2 major things on my mind.

1. What is M up to these days? (God - I'm so nosey) I'm hoping he's missing me but only because thinking about this makes me in turn feel slightly better about this situation. Like I actually have some control over it. When in reality I don't.

2. I am bridesmaid to a good friend and have found out that the best man is a guy that I had a brief snog encounter with some time ago in a club. I was annoyed at the time because he never called. I must have read the signs all wrong. Worryingly I've not been in his company since.

That's all for today.

2006-09-18T09:15:00.000+01:00

Willpower....

Waking up at quite literally the crack of dawn yesterday (Sunday), changed into my pyjamas, but with the light still on and my mobile tighly grasped in my hand. Then I slowly realised what I had been trying to do prior to passing out... Yes, that's right I did try to text my ex, M. Praying to God that my phone had had no reception I flicked through the menus getting to Sent messages, but too late, I'd successfully sent him a message. It was along the lines of: "I still love you. I'm drunk. I still miss you and that's why I've not been in touch. It's just too difficult. I'm sure you've probably moved on and I would rather know if you have." Not good, not good at all.

So as of about 7.30 am yesterday I have completely erased all traces of M from my phone so that this can never happen again. His number now only exists in my computer in work. (Thank you Cat)

Had to send sober text early yesterday, telling him to ignore me and that I was really drunk. He would have been totally brain dead not to have realised my state, given that I couldn't even spell his name properly. Oh dear! I half hoped that maybe he would text back, but he has taken me at my word and completely ignored me.

I am slightly upset over this, in a way. I want him to miss me too and I feel disappointed that he doesn't or that he's coping with this way better than me. Or at least it seems that way, but then realisitically I don't actually know this for sure, because I'm not in touch with him. When his last girlf finished with him he did the whole phoning her some time later to see if she had changed her mind. She hadn't. I know this because he phoned me straight after in a terrible state. His openess and this glimpse of his sensitive side made me love him all the more.

How little I knew...

I am doing ok today though even with all these thoughts flying around. I am enjoying blogging. I think that it is a good release mechanism. Ebay and Amazon have today both delivered packages to my office for me, so it feels a wee bit like Christmas.

2006-09-15T12:52:00.000+01:00

Days without Paracetamol...

It's Friday... I'm so happy about this because I will get a lie in on Sunday morning. What a struggle it is getting out of bed EVERY day in life. How I will manage when I move out without my sister chapping on the door every five seconds? No alarm clock works.

Last night was spent working late on a project that I'm involved in outside of work, but my boss gave it to me, so at least I don't face the sack over it. The people I'm working for have bought a house and are re-developing it to sell on, I feel a bit like Sarah Beeny (or Big Tits Beeny as we like to call her - she rocks) from Channel 4 at times. We do seem to get on well, so hopefully that keeps up as my work continues. Friendly yet professional approach.

So now us women can't even take the morning after pill correctly - according to news today and some rubbish study. Since they have made it most widely available the abortion rate has not decreased. Maybe it's just that more people are having sex - ever thought of that statistics people? This theory would tie in with the increase in STDs.

Only a hour to go til the weekend... Have a good one y'all.

PS If anyone know where I can buy a breathiliser attachment for my mobile phone, let me know. Heading out tomorrow night and hopefully won't drunkenly text or call M. I know it would be far easier to wipe his number off my phone completely (which I have done) but I've retained a message from him to remind me why this split is for the best, so technically the number is still there.

2006-09-14T13:36:00.000+01:00

It's a Man's World - Part I...

Thursday today - hooray!! Weekend only a matter of hours away. Don't quite know why I'm so excited about it as have work to do over the weekend and am working in a mate's shop on Saturday, but it's all good.

On a completely different tangent... I was reading a daily paper - most likely the Daily Mail as purchased by my mother - an article written by a woman (I wish I could remember her name) and the jist of went like this:

"We should be encouraging young women to get married younger and therefore have babies younger, rather than concentrating on these high filuting (I love that word, if only I could spell it!) careers."

This enraged me as I would love to get married and have babies but just haven't found someone who wants to do this with me and I can hardly do this all by myself. Is this woman implying that if I were to give up my job then Mr Right would be just around the corner? I think not. At least having a job is a reason to leave the house upping the potential to meet people.

So, should I try this option out and quit my job and concentrate all my efforts instead into finding a man of marriage and father potential. Honestly - how ridiculous!!

I do sometimes think that my particular career choice is a turn-off for some men - but then they're not real men. I work in a very male-dominated profession (only 11% women), so when I tell men what I do I suppose they think that I'm a really bossy man-eater. Which so isn't the case, in my humble opinion. Guesses on a postcard to....

Maybe the Government should encourage men to settle down, rather than the other way round. I think they would need to make it a law though for there to be any chance of enforcing it.

My ex could deal with my career choice and did think it was cool, but things didn't end pretty there either. Think if I do meet potential men (here's hoping) when I'm next out I'll revert to old tactic of saying I'm a hairdresser just to get them talking although with my roots like they are it's not that believable, ok, maybe shop assistant instead. Just bending the truth ever so slightly.

2006-09-12T19:51:00.000+01:00

When Harry Met Sally....

I'm still in work at this time, supposed to finish at 5.30pm but busy working on a drawing of the apartment I'm moving into in about a month's time. I bought it from the plans and the measurements on site are completely different to what was in the brochure - so hopefully that means money off. Am furious about this it's so very tiny but hoping that something good will come out of it. Watch this space... Trying very hard to be positive.

I'm still pining for (my now ex) M. Sounds strange to call him that. He's been my friend M, often described to others as my best friend who's a boy; then my boyfriend M; now he's my ex and I can't bear to talk to him because it hurts too much.

There are so many things that I miss about him but right now I find it hard to imagine how I could ever cope with being in touch. Been there and done that with another ex and it put my life on hold for seven years. This wasn't so bad in my younger days but at my age now there ain't no haging around.

See, there was a point to "When Harry Met Sally" and the whole thing of men and women can't be just friends and in the most part I have to agree - having at least snogged (if not more) with a lot of my college friends who were boys, M included. M said that we were always destined to get it together and I think he's right. After all there were so many "nearlys" over the years. I still think that we picked the wrong time entirely and I (again) picked the wrong man - who I always thought was so right.

Wishing in part that I hadn't asked where our relationship was going because ultimately I got the answer I didn't want to hear and now we're not together anymore. I am so sad about this and at times I feel so lonely and so "on my own". I am fortunate to have a lot of great friends but I can't help missing him.

I am also sad that in one of our last phone calls I confronted him and upset him, not that at the time I didn't think that he deserved to share in my pain but remembering him crying devastates me still.

It is so hard not to lift the phone to M, or email or text him, but when I feel like it, I'm going to write a blog instead and share with who knows who, rather than cause myself further emotional torture.

2006-09-12T12:53:00.000+01:00

Daddy Longs Legs Please Eat My Sister....

Enjoyed a really long chill out bath last night while finishing off mundane "chick-lit" (although I do detest that turn of phrase but I'm sure it's made it into a dictionary somewhere). Won't bother going into any details as really it's not worth the hassle.

Hot chill out bath = steamy windows as our house was constructed around the time I was born so no mechanical extract fan in bathroom. This enrages mum as steam is generally pouring down the walls by the time I'm done. The only way to try and commbat this is by opening windows. A few hours later and my sister C, (who I must point out is in her mid-20s being not that much younger than me) is running around house terrified by the multitude of daddy long legses (sp?) that are flying through the air.

I have spent her entire life saving her from all manner of creepy crawlies and while I used to (when I was about 4 years old) enjoy the power associated with this role - it's no longer great.

However these bloody creatures had the last laugh....

Turned off my light to catch my beauty sleep and one landed on my head - oh the trauma!!

2006-09-11T17:21:00.000+01:00

Popping My Cherry...

Well this is me popping my blogging cherry....

I've been reading so many other people's blogs lately and I like what I see.

Just over a month ago I split up with my boyfriend M and there's been so much going round and round in my head that I need an outlet for all of it otherwise I'm worried about what will happen. I have counted M among my best friends for years before we made the decision to get together, so right now I'm missing my sounding board and my daily (or not so frequent at times) moanings, observations and general ramblings have nowhere to go - which I don't think is a good thing.

I don't want to overload my other best friends with all this stuff. M and I aren't in touch at the moment - my decision completely but a difficult decision to make and stick to, but I know it will be for the best in the end. Wishing right now that M had a blog so I could see how he's doing, but no success in tracking it down and I doubt it would be his sort of thing at all.

So please bear with me over the next while as I get used to all this technology. I work with computers all day but given I'm a child of the 70s I sometimes can be a bit blonde with these things.